I write a lot about pain, mental health, and finding strength through difficult times. This is because I know pain well and even though I know I have to let go, days like today are days where keeping it together, holding it together, is hard.
Sometimes you try and be strong and act you are not fazed by your circumstances, but we all are. We are hurt and cry behind closed doors for fear of others not seeing us break.
On Monday, here in Toronto, a crazed and heartless human being deliberately ran their car onto the sidewalk of some pedestrians just minding their own business. 10 people died in this incidence.
A lot of people I know, as well as myself, are shaken because Toronto isn’t really known for terrorist attacks, like at all. We hear about the shootings that have been going on in the States and grieve for others from the comforts of our homes, not thinking that it could happen to us.
Well, guess what, yesterday it did.
The area is also a central area where a lot of us pass all the time, commuting to shopping malls, meeting our friends, and traveling to work. We don’t think for an instance, that the moments we are hustling and bustling, could be our last.
And honestly, it depresses me.
I already live with depression and painful moments, so hearing about the news doesn’t make anything better for me whatsoever.
It just makes me more sensitive and prone to becoming even more depressed when I hear about all of these tragedies.
As someone of partial faith, and I say partial because sometimes I question God’s love for us, I wonder where He is when we need Him most and why pain seems to just run rampant while He is seemingly nowhere in sight.
On days like today, however, when it is hard to find hope and anxiety now runs strong, I hold on to my writing, my power to give me the strength I need to carry on.
Because let’s face it, a lot of us don’t want to carry on at times. It’s just too much. We rather hide in the comforts of our homes or in the warmth of our sheets and stay there, because reality seems far too frightening, too startling to face over and over again.
I know you are weary, so am I.
But hold on to the little good that we have in this world to keep you afloat in times that are unpredictable and unsettling.
Hold onto what you love, what drives your soul and brings you back to a place of freedom and peace in this life.
If it’s gardening while you sing, garden.
If it’s taking a walk every day do it.
If you are like me and like warm moments like grabbing a latte from your favorite cafe and reading a book while you listen to life around you, do that, and keep doing it.
If you must read self-help books until your fingers bleed, do that as well.
In life, we have to hold on to something bigger than ourselves to find a reason to stay and believe that it is worth it and good still exists.
So even though it pains you to live at times, hold on to everything you love, in a world of tragedy.