Honestly, no shade at all, but it just seems to surreal to me to see people I knew in high school are getting married now.
Like you never quite imagine it.
You thought to yourself at that time that everyone would probably settle down when they are like 30 or late 20s at least, but nowadays, it is not uncommon for couples to tie the knot a lot earlier.
I am not knocking it whatsoever because everyone’s life path is different and 23 for someone else may be a different 23 for you.
Love stories are different for everyone and someone’s forever very much can be found earlier on in life.
That being said, it can be very easy to get into the habit of comparing ourselves to every married couple we see on social media, especially if they are in our age bracket.
We look at ourselves and the trajectory of our own lives and may think, “Well, if everyone is getting married, then what the fuck am I doing?”
It happens as everyone grows up and you may have already found yourself in this circumstance, or if you haven’t been prepared to face it quite soon, because someone, somewhere, is getting engaged.
Here are 11 reasons not to compare yourself to your friends getting married in their 20s.
`1. We are still young AF
I say I am grown like all the time, but my life situation is far from it.
There is soooo much to learn about life and handling situations as an adult in your early 20s.
We always think we have it figured out the older we get, but we don’t in actuality.
It is something you really want to take the time to think about before making the decision to spend the rest of your life with one person.
2. There is so much growth and soul searching to do.
I consider myself a very introspective and intelligent person, but I am still learning daily how to better handle situations like an adult and how life really works.
Like girlll, real life shit hits you and it’s better to learn about it when you aren’t tied down so you have the strength to endure when you are married.
3. You are still focusing on school and your career
Establishing your career and finishing school is a lot of work in itself, imagine worrying about all of that in addition to planning a wedding and preparing for marriage.
I would definitely want to be in a place where I am established in my career before worrying about marriage and all of the responsibilities that come along with it as well.
4. We are still figuring out the person we really want to love
Who I want and lust over in my 20s, may not be who I want later down the line.
At this point in our lives we are still figuring out what we want in a person while we figure out ourselves as well.
I will be damned if I just commit to someone blindly without realizing I could have done better in terms of someone who can deal with my personality, my flaws, all of my issues and someone who who is financially stable and driven.
5. You will need to know how to compromise
We are known as a selfish generation and it is truth. It’s all about “me me me.” Well newsflash, marriage is about we.
You now need to compromise with someone over how much money you spend, how often you travel, how you hang out with friends, and so on and so forth.
However, your 20s are your YOU years.
Years where you can travel with friends, enrich your mind with education, and prepare mentally for the years to come ahead that may be much more harder to tackle.
Make sure you are absolutely ready to compromise and you understand what that means for your life thereafter.
6. The person you marry is not the person they will become in the future
My mom always says my dad is not the same person he was she married him. Which is actually so true. For marriage, you want to make sure that you can handle the changes in your partner later down the line. Ask yourself, if they change as a person, will I still love them? People go through changes in their life all time. Growth is natural and in our 20s, we might not be ready to handle those changes in our partners just as yet.
7. You still need to understands each other’s emotions
Thankfully, I have a boyfriend who loves me dearly and can handle my ups and downs of emotions and need for reassurance, but a lot of us actually need therapy and serious help when it comes to dealing with sadness, anger, jealousy, and all the other hosts of emotions that tend to run our lives.
Personally, it would make sense to me to get a hold of these emotions before entering a marriage where someone else will be affected by it.
8. Your finances are still a mess
One thing they never taught us in school was how to properly manage our money. A lot of marriages fail these days because couples are at odds when it comes to managing their money and knowing the difference between needs and wants.
Your 20s are a time to get a hold of student debt and earn a stable income. Try planning a wedding while still being in this predicament.
9. You need to establish yourself as a person
My goal right now is to establish myself as a professional writer, author, and I plan on writing for numerous publications.
For some women, they rush into marriage without finding themselves and their relationship often ends up defining them.
Take some time out to just bask in what you love. Travel, write, go out with your friends, enjoy the time you have to find yourself, love yourself, learn and grow.
Yes, you will still do this while you are married, but enjoying time for yourself, by yourself, is very liberating as it’s easy to get attached to someone else when you are married and use them as a defining part of who we are.
10. You need to realize that your expectations of marriage might not be what you bargained for
When I was lot younger, I thought of marriage in a superficial sense. The honeymoon, the parties, the Instagram posts, the bridal shower and the gifts.
This is not all you are in for when you are married.
When the cameras are off and everyone has gone home on the night of your wedding, you are in for an amazing, difficult, and lesson filled journey on what it means to love, and love unconditionally.
Make sure you are prepared for this.
11. It’s a decision of a lifetime
I feel like once you are truly in love, you just know.
But that doesn’t mean that getting married is still not a decision of a lifetime.
Truly make sure this is what you want and the person you are considering to marry is someone you truly love, because if you are like me, once you say “I do”, it’s a forever thing.
This is in no way to bash couples who get married young. As I said, it definitely works for some people than others. Everyone’s life is different.
This list is just to enlighten you on the reality of what marriage in our 20s really means since a lot of things in society are romanticized without actually being broken down.
Meeting your forever person is truly a beautiful thing, but make sure you know the facts as well.