I think I get now why most people who suffer from depression or mental illness in general prefer to just withdraw after a while. Because the task of explaining one’s self to someone about how you are truly feeling gets tiring, exhausting, annoying even.
You are already in the midst of pain deeper than any explanation you can muster and there is nothing worse than when people assume you must automatically be over it.
You know, those snide comments you’ ll get from family members when asking how you are doing and they respond with, “Well, you should be past the worse already.”
But no, that is not how depression works and I say it over and over again, although I would never wish this even on my worst enemy, you have to forgive the ignorance of those around you in order to move forward in your recovery, because bitterness will not help you one bit. Trust me, take it from someone who knows bitterness and resentment quite well.
I think I had the intention of writing this angrily. I did. Because mental illness and depression are one the most frustrating illnesses to combat on the planet.
It’s talked about, we see the ads, we see the loads of donations coming in for hospitals in order to further research for people who are suffering, but mental illness is not a subject to romanticize, because the everyday reality for people who live it is far from happy.
It’s a painful reality of trial and error with medications, disappointment, embarrassment from stigma, frustration, delayed future plans in terms of work and/or school perhaps, trips to hospitals with less than optimistic psychiatrists, and filling out repetitive forms that ask you the same questions about your mood and if you’ve ever tried to kill yourself in the past…
These types of routines, even if you are past depression, do haunt you because it’s a part of your life you rather not be a part of.
You desperately wish you could detach from this whole mental health crisis debacle and just magically erase any evidence of it from your life and just move on. But it’s not that easy.
It’s an everyday battle, a flick of the coin to see which day will be a good one and which day will break you down.
It’s also ridiculously scary and lonely because even though you have others around you, they don’t share your brain, they don’t share in the same experiences that you have so they don’t know that even though you may seem healed, you are still wrapping up wounds that continue to get reopened.
So I know you are tired and weary and I know you continuously question why you were given the journey you were given, but please know that there is someone out there who doesn’t seem like they are out to get you with their ignorance and remarks.
Someone out there who knows your true heart and that healing takes time, effort and tons of support from people who know what a mental health journey is all about.
The next time you feel overwhelmed, weary and tired from fighting, from answering others on your improvement, from simply enduring a fight that is beyond you, know that there is someone out there who understands that even if the depression fades, you still have scars that need mending and a healing touch, word of encouragement, helping hand, they all assist in mending those wounds.
And there is always someone willing to help mend them for you.