For some this is the time of day people wake up and act as a functioning member of society. For others (like me), we dread this so called morning time. We also tend to share a lot of the same qualities. The sounds of the morning may piss us off, the snooze button is our best friend, and alternative methods may be needed to actually wake us up, but that is what you must learn to accept when dealing with a person who despises the morning.
My fellow anti-morning people can unite in agreeing that MORNINGS. SUCK. We can also agree that there are so many misconceptions about people who throughly can not morning properly. The most common negative comment I get from people in many various experiences have been that I’m lazy. No. Just no. Please do not attribute my hate towards anytime ranging between 4am-1pm as me being lazy. You can blame it on a lot of things, but laziness is not one of them.
Okay, maybe I’m a lazy person at times…But I promise it has nothing to do with my sleeping pattern.
There are a lot of struggles to not being a morning person, and if you can relate to any of them, we should get another coffee together.
1. Morning people.
How are you so awake? How are you smiling? Need I ask anything further? I think not.
For some inexplicably frustrating reason lunch begins at like 11 AM…. Why can’t a girl (or guy, breakfast during the day is literally for anyone and everyone) be able to get breakfast until like 2 or 3 PM? Maybe even 4. Breakfast for dinner is a thing people!
*A HUGE shoutout to any establishment that serves breakfast all day. You are the real MVPs.
Work literally sucks no matter what but there is something extra sucky about going into the office at 8 AM when people are like functioning and you’re just like, “UGH bed and dreams or even hell seems so much better right now.”
4. Slightly psychotic thoughts.
Maybe I speak for just myself *silently hopes I’m not alone here* but here it goes. Sometimes *cough* all the time *end cough* I have slightly deranged thoughts in the morning. Such as plotting an excuse for calling out of work and literally going to the doctor “sick” later in the day to get a doctors note. Dammit people YES, paying the co-pay was worth the extra sleep. Thankfully my employer has not caught onto this yet but thankfully HIPAA covers my ass. My doctor has, but the co-pay gives me some leverage.
5. Early plans.
Although I must say I have been conditioning my friends slowly but surely to come to terms that plans before noon are most likely never happening, sometimes there has to be some compromise there, unfortunately. When these early plans happen it’s known that the friend orchestrating this torture is expected to have coffee just they way I like it and her or she will be the one to drive so I can wallow in my self misery for being awake.
Any form of sleeping over at someone’s house ensues slight panic due to the fact that they’ll probably be awake for hours completing more in the morning than I do in an entire day. All the while waiting for me to wake up. I’ve come up with a little warning PSA expressing my feuding relationship with the morning time in hopes they keep that in mind while waiting for me to get up and leave their house already. Like so sorry…but I warned you.
7. Encounters while in pajamas.
There’s something like really embarrassing about going out to check the mail still in pajamas at 2 PM and having the neighbors encounter this. At least I’m adulting and checking the mail?!!??? Right? Please say right…
8. New relationships.
How do you explain to someone that in the morning I have severe anger issues and to not speak, breath, or cough in my direction before noon. Unless you are coffee, have coffee for me or you are a barista, I want nothing to do with you.