15 Facebook Status Updates Vs. What Really Happened In Your Day

Even if it’s your name and photo attached to your Facebook profile, you’re still kind of catfishing people. You completely choose what you share and how often. This can give people an idealized version of yourself and your life. Let’s cut through the bull ‘cause we’re friends. Here’s what you post and what really happened that day.

1. Facebook: Having an awesome day at my awesome job doing awesome things.
Reality: There was definitely a typo in the board report I helped draft.

2. Facebook: Walking to work this morning. #Fitness
Reality: I haven’t been to the gym in 17 days.

3. Facebook: Look at my cute new puppy!
Reality: … who looked me dead in the eyes and took a dump in the kitchen.

4. Facebook: I love you so much! I don’t know what I’d do without you, babe <3
Reality: We fight all the time, and I gave another dude a handy yesterday.

5. Facebook: Just me being goofy! [Insert picture of a pretty girl with big glasses and her tongue sticking out.]
Reality: How does Zooey Deschanel do this all day?

6. Facebook: Ugh, did you really have to do that? It sucks when you care more than everyone else :/
Reality: I may not resolve any real feelings with the person who made me angry, but at least people in my bio class will feel sorry for me.

7. Facebook: [Insert political rant preceded by “I don’t care if I get hate for this…”]
Reality: Most people on my friend’s list probably agree with me, but I’m still brave, damn it!

8. Facebook: A generic motivational quote that’s probably incorrectly attributed to Betty White or Marilyn Monroe.
Reality: This is feminism, right?

9. Facebook: Share this post and a magical fairy will grant you three wishes at midnight.
Reality: I’m over 40 and probably shouldn’t be on Facebook.

10. Facebook: Buzzfeed quiz!
Reality: I’ve taken 30 of these and this is the first result I like enough to share.

11. Facebook: [Insert Instagram picture followed by 20 hashtags.]
Reality: Like this! Oh god have mercy, somebody please like this!

12. Facebook: Look at what Kayleigh learned how to do! [Insert picture of a baby so young that it can only do things Cabbage Patch Kids can do.]
Reality: I really need to get invited to a happy hour soon.

13. Facebook: Happy birthday!
Reality: We haven’t spoken in a year, and I only know it’s your birthday because Facebook told me.

14. Facebook: [Insert a random, little known “fact” that was first posted on Tumblr.]
Reality: I’m sure this is true. It really applies to me. I swear.

15. Facebook: I’m going to delete my Facebook. All of this is ridiculous.
Reality: I’ll be back in four days with a new update alerting you to my social media presence. I expect you to throw a party celebrating my triumphant return. TC mark

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