You said you were moving away.
You said that it was too real to be true.
I spent eight years with a woman who I did not love, and I knew that. I spent six months with a woman who I loved, and I did not know it. It’s a funny thing, that thing they call love…
From the moment I met you, to the moment you left, to this moment in time… my feelings have not changed.
I am sorry that I was not strong enough. That I was not brave enough. That I could not be the man that I needed to be, for you.
There is much in life that I wish could be re-done. My entire life, besides those six months…
I had never lived until I met you.
You showed me care.
You showed me compassion.
You closed my eyes to the pain in the world and you opened them to the beauty in it. But it was not the beauty of the world that I was in awe of.. it was yours.
I don’t know where you are.
I don’t know what you are thinking.
I don’t know how you are doing.
I don’t know if you still scrunch your nose when you are confused, or if you still have that giggle when you are being tickled.
I did know you. I did know the answers to those questions.. but I don’t anymore.
You knew me when I did not know myself. When the simplest task I could complete was putting one foot in front of the other.
You knew that I laugh like a girl. You knew that I give things my all, even when I have no fucking clue what I’m doing…
It’s kind of funny, to think about it that way.
I did give you my all, all that I had at that time…
You were right though. I may have had no idea what I was doing, but I did know one thing…
I knew how I felt about you.
There are these things in science, they call them a constant. It’s how you assess a given scenario. You have one characteristic remain constant, while the other variables are interchanged to see if the outcome remains the same.
My feelings are constant.
They do not diminish.
They do not change given the situations I’m in, or from variables being thrown at me.
I loved you, for you.
I still do.
I am beginning to grasp love, to its fullest dimensions.
A part of me was left with you. A part of you will always be with me.
From what you taught me, to what you showed me, and all the moments in time that will forever be imprinted in my being.
They say love can make or break a man. But love never breaks a man…
A man lets love break him.
If I let this break me, I would not be the man you inspired me to become. The man that you could see through the messy jagged edges.
I’m going to be that man.
I will be.. that man.