What Your Twitter Bio Says About You

“Internet Guru.” You have fewer than 100 Twitter followers.

“photographer.” You’ve taken a photograph of a flower covered in rain droplets with the sole purpose of uploading it to Tumblr.

“Tech Wizard.” You played Magic: The Gathering as a child.

“Social Media Ninja.” You signed up for Twitter and then let your account sit dormant for at least 365 days while repeating “I just… don’t get Twitter” countless times to anyone who would listen before sending your second tweet. (Your first tweet: “Hello anyone out there… I don’t get this lol”)

“Tweets do NOT represent the opinions of my employer.” You have unwillingly worn a tie, Spanx, or both to work in the past 90 days.

“All things digital.” You have an iPhone, most likely say the words “mock-ups” and “wireframes” often, and probably refer to navigating the internet as “driving.”

“Animal lover.” You called out of work when Steve Irwin died.

“People watcher.” You spend an inappropriate amount of time in coffee shops shit talking other people in the coffee shop to yourself.

“Novelist.” You’re just waiting to hear back from your agent, but you swear, by this time next year, you’ll be sitting pretty on the shelves of Barnes & Noble.

“Always smiling.” Your parents spent thousands of dollars in orthodontic work for you before you were old enough to be deemed a worthy investment.

“Intern at [PR firm or company with “Communications” in its title].” You’re a just-out-of-college female in DC or NYC who wears business casual and retweets @whitegirlproblems at least twice a week.

“Into baking and knitting.” You have a Tumblr on which you post Polaroid-ish nostalgia callbacks of trends that occurred before you were born.

“Hot yoga.” See “Intern at [PR firm or company with “Communications” in its title].”

“Nerd.” You actually don’t know anything about the things you made fun of the ‘authentic’ nerds for liking in high school, i.e. D&D, coding, Magic, Anime, etc.

“Poet.” You post poetry on your blog.

“Stay-at-home mom. Live, laugh, love. Tweets a lot, but not a bot!” You spend 12/24 hours of your day retweeting Twitter contests. Example: “Tweet us your HAIRY moment to win 2 Schick razors! Plz RT & Follow!” DIAF. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • a.

    “Intern at [PR firm or company with “Communications” in its title].”
    You’re a just-out-of-college female in DC or NYC who wears business
    casual and retweets @whitegirlproblems at least twice a week.

    Um, I’m a PR intern for a business in LA, thankyouverymuch.

    • Rachel

      the fact that you say lame, trendy shit like “thankyouverymuch” kind of proves every point this article was trying to make

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

        this comment [was] trendy

      • ugh

        oh, please. get off your high horse

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    DIAF. :)

  • HotForWriter

    what about people who don’t have a tweeter bio…what does that say??

    • http://twitter.com/no_cazador hunter ray

      ur a non-entity

      • HotForWriter

        :(

  • Monkey

    What if my bio says “BORN AND BRED 2 DRINK AND SHRED m/ THRASH METAL LIFE 1988”?

    • sam

      you have a nostalgia-themed tumblr and you were born in 1994?

  • http://www.wilfordlauren.tumblr.com Lauren Wilford

    LOL the picture is Stephanie Georgopulos. 

  • Mila Jaroniec

    Mine is honest – “vodka drinker”

  • Anonymous

    Phew… I thought I’d see an example that was close to my bio.

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    ““Nerd.” You actually don’t know anything about the things you made fun of the ‘authentic’ nerds for liking in high school, i.e. D&D, coding, Magic, Anime, etc.”

    so accurate

  • pesto

    what does it say if your bio is “likes: playing Hot, Not, or Under 13, keeping it inordinately classy, peanut butter.”?
    will never hold elected office?

  • Me

    What do y’all make of “Why’d you take the last piece of cornbread?”

  • http://twitter.com/caaalebbb Caleb Reidy

    there are so many more that could have been done

  • http://twitter.com/caaalebbb Caleb Reidy

    there are so many more that could have been done

  • http://twitter.com/caaalebbb Caleb Reidy

    there are so many more that could have been done

  • http://twitter.com/caaalebbb Caleb Reidy

    there are so many more that could have been done

  • http://twitter.com/kymtigeress kym

    Don’t like backstabbers or people crawling up your arse, when they don’t mean it. GET REAL!

  • http://twitter.com/kymtigeress kym

    I don’t like backstabbers that pretend to like you when they really don’t care. Can’t stand people saying they love everyone when they don’t. GET REAL!

  • Alex

    “Less” is not interchangeable with “fewer.”

  • http://www.bookcafe.net/quello-che-comunichiamo-quando-stiamo-in-rete-e-come-lo-comunichiamo/ Quello che comunichiamo quando stiamo in rete (e come lo comunichiamo) » Giuseppe Granieri

    […] E qui ti suggerisco una lettura un po’ irriverente un po’ prvocatoria: What Your Twitter Bio Says About You […]

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