10 Best Thought Catalog Posts You Missed This Week

I hear a lot of feedback about Thought Catalog. If I only consider the constructive stuff, from people who actually give a shit, one of the things I hear the most is “I want a better way to search through TC’s articles.” Totally reasonable. Our homepage, tiny as it is, can house only five posts, and between 30 to 60 funnel through it daily. If it’s not maxed out for catchiness, it’s not unusual for content to go unnoticed before getting washed away to thoughtcatalog.com/page/8 and the infinite vacuum beyond.

“Jesus was perfect, and he only had 12 friends.” — Katt Williams, on haters.

This is as much a source of frustration for me as it is for diehard TC readers. A lot of posts I care about and feel deserve as much recognition as Brianna’s awesome “18 Things Everyone Should Start Making Time For Again” (200k+ Facebook shares in 7 days. Wow), for example, will functionally disappear from the pages where they stand a chance of picking up readers before getting the attention they seem to deserve. It feels a little wrong. It’s also frustrating because it’s an aspect of TC that contributes to people continually crapping on the site for posting heretical, less-thought-out stuff while ignoring 99% of all the other content that’s published here.

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So, for now, I’m gonna start highlighting stuff I think got overlooked every week. Maybe the stuff didn’t get readers because it didn’t have a maxed-out headline, or it was too long to read at work, or maybe because the stuff is not actually as good as I think it is. I’m also going to include badass posts that DID get a lot of attention, because I want this to be a place where you can not only get some of the better obscure stuff that goes up on Thought Catalog, but the crowd-pleasers that I was into this week as well.


1. FUNNY: Rob Fee – 15 Things That Always Bothered Me About Home Alone 2

Home Alone 2
Home Alone 2

“Buzz deserved to be severely punished. How on earth did Buzz not get grounded for months for this? First of all, did the crowd really erupt with laughter as Buzz pretended to play the drums on Kevin’s head with fake candles? Buzz not only ruined the entire production, but he humiliated his brother during his solo. He gets to say ‘I’m sorry, Kevin.’ and all is forgiven? No Buzz, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that your parents allow you to behave like an animal.”


2. SERIOUS: Anne Theriault – On Selfies, Self-Esteem And Learning To Love My Nose

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“For a really long time, I would only let people take pictures of me from head-on; I avoided shots of my profile at all costs. I looked up makeup techniques that would somehow minimize the appearance of my nose. I kept my hair long so that I could tilt my head and let my hair fall forward, covering my face. I thought about getting a nose job. My grandmother once told me to get a nose job. Or rather, she said, ‘Annie, you only live once, and you only get one body. If surgery will make you feel happier living in the body you’ve been given, then more power to you.'”


3. FUNNY: Gabrielle Moss – 8 Sitcoms From The 90s, Rebooted As Modern-Day Cable Dramas

familymatters1
Family Matters

“Chicago police officer Carl Winslow put dangerous, sexy crime boss Stefan Urquelle behind bars fifteen years ago. But a daring prison escape leaves Urquelle on the loose, and the Winslow family under violent siege by one of Urquelle’s henchmen–the lethal and extremely irritating Steve Urkel. As the Winslows await the arrival of Urquelle, and Steve begins a savage courtship of the family’s oldest daughter, Carl must unravel the city’s tangled web of police corruption, and discover the connection between Steven and Stefan before it is too late.”


4. FICTION, INTERESTING: BS Faulkner – TERRORIST

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

“My mother had affairs. Or an affair. I’m not certain. I do remember that at the end of their marriage—or their co-habitation–my father confronted my mother with some evidence of the affair, of an affair. It was evening, and we were in front of the television, probably eating dinner, and my dad went upstairs, and when he came back down he was holding something, pinching it, letting it dangle from his fingers. A sock, or a rag, or a scrap of paper, or maybe a condom. I don’t know and I haven’t asked. What I do know is that the implications of that object–whatever it was–were very clear, even to me.”


5. EXPERIMENTAL: Alex Kazemi – Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP In The World Of Social Media

ARTPOP
ARTPOP

“Don’t be shocked. As always, Gaga is choking on her obsession with being cool. That’s why her audience identifies with her. She skins subcultures and wears them like leather jackets.

It’s a trap, it’s her trick, it’s money. It works. Yolo.

‘ENIGMA POP STAR IS FUN, SHE WEARS BURQA FOR FASHION!’ she shouts, on the sticky and deserted opener ‘AURA.’

It’s what happens when western Hollywood and the hellish drama of Zedd cross paths. It also has an Infected Mushroom sample, which is true 00s obscurity. Did she bust out her old Kazaa shared folder for that one?”


6. FUNNY, DARK: Brad Pike – 10 Uplifting Reasons You’re Never Alone

orphicpixeldotcom
orphicpixeldotcom

“Millions of bugs live in your walls. If you listen closely, you can hear tiny insect feet scuttling through the internal architecture of your apartment, gorging on the flora and fungi growing on the pipes. Look: a house centipede crawling along your ceiling; and there: a baby cockroach limping across the floor after losing two of its legs to a wad of gum. They can be your friends—your Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Chandler. And you can be their Phoebe. Feel a hundred bedbugs crawl up your legs like a bloodthirsty pair of pants and know this is love in its deepest, most primal form. Your friends love you, Phoebe.”


7. USEFUL, INTERESTING: Rolf Potts – 5 Ways To Avoid Being A Terrible Tourist

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“Moreover, most hostel-lounge arguments about which countries export good or bad travelers fail to take in the local perspective. A few years ago, a survey conducted by international tourist offices found that the oft-disparaged Germans and Americans were rated most favorably by host communities around the world. This rating didn’t hinge on cultural or aesthetic opinions, but the simple fact that Germans and Americans spend money more generously than their tourist counterparts. Economic benefit, it would appear, was more important to local hosts than the common traveler obsessions with fashion, geopolitics, and collective behaviors in tacky backpacker nightclubs.”


8. SCARY, BOOKMARKABLE: Chrissy Stockton – 5 Adorable Kids (That Were Cold-Blooded Killers)

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“When he was just 13 years old Eric Smith brutally murdered a 4-year-old boy. He had seen the boy riding his bike near a park, alone, and brought him into the woods where he undressed him, sodomized him, and killed him by dropping rocks on his head. He has never been able to explain why he committed this crime. His grandparents said of him, ‘He’d always come in and give us hugs and kisses. He liked being a clown.’ He is eligible for parole next April.”


9. FUNNY, QUICK READ: Ted Pillow – 20 So-Bad-They’re-Great Cosmo Headlines

thebrandery
thebrandery

“20. My Car Turned Me On!: Hilarious Tales of Accidental Pleasure: ‘Me’ is underlined to emphasize the comedic reversal at play in this unlikely situation. Get it, the car is turning the girl on! Cosmo covers should have a laugh track.

19. Your Breasts Called…: And They’re Feeling Neglected. How to Pamper & Pleasure Them: Cosmo prints this on their cover, and girls smile knowingly and nod their heads. I yell this out the window of a moving car, and I’m the bad guy?”


10. FUN: Krum Life – The Top 5 Most Awkward Moments In Life

Seinfeld
Seinfeld

“The Door Hold Gallop: A good deed gone terribly wrong. I’m approximately 20 feet away from a door. A good Samaritan decides to hold it open for me. A surge of panic rushes through my veins, because I know what comes next. BY THE UNFLINCHING LAWS OF ETIQUETTE, I AM COMMANDED TO DO THAT LITTLE AUTISTIC GALLOP TO THE DOOR. What started so innocently as a gesture of goodwill has forced me into an unsightly 10-yard dash. I’m often left sweaty and out of breath. This is America! I’m only supposed to exercise when absolutely necessary! Call me petty! Ever have to do the Door Hold Gallop with 3 textbooks and a Jamba Juice in tow? F*ckin’ mortifying. No more held doors!…Gracias. Yeah, I just made a ‘Next Friday’ joke.”


There’s not enough serious on this list, but that’s how the cards fell this week. Please share your own TC faves from the recent past below! TC mark

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