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Should You Break Up With Your Boyfriend? This App Will Help You Decide

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I’m a month late on this, but there’s a newish app out for iPhone that’ll help you figure out if you should stay or go. It’s called “Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend?,” and it’ll supposedly help you finalize your decision about whether you want to make a clean break from a mundane relationship or stick it out because he might be the one. The app has you track how you feel about your boyfriend on a day-to-day basis for two weeks and allows you to record your thoughts about how things are going. After the two weeks are over, it analyzes the data and gives you a graph of how your feelings fluctuated, then offers advice about how you might want to proceed.

Sarah Gray, the app’s creator, said the idea for the app was born out of her own dissatisfaction with a long-distance relationship she was in. “I wished I had a way to track how I felt about him and our relationship, and could see a graph which would show me if things were mostly good — or mostly sucked. That way, I could do something about it.” When she ended up checking out her relationship’s graph, she found that she was only feeling “good” 39% of the time. “Sometimes, we need an objective voice to help us appreciate a good thing or accept something painful,” she said. “And this app helps us tap into the best voice of all — the one inside ourselves.” TC mark

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    • http://raymondthimmes.com/ Raymond Thimmes

      It’s actually a really good idea, I think. Except that rational decisions never happen in relationships.

      • http://twitter.com/fablednet Sarah Gray

        True that! I think maybe just LOOKING at a graph can make you feel that rationality is within reach :) Take care.

    • womp

      yup i’m for it, but i think the name is a lil bit of a downer. 

    • June

      i’m in a long distance relatioship and most of the time its really hard, maybe its sucks 50% of the times, but i really like him, I cant break up because of some app

    • http://twitter.com/fablednet Sarah Gray

      Hey there! This is Sarah, I wrote the app. thanks for commenting.   I wrote the original version when I was in an LDR… so I hear you , June!

      Of course so many things go into whether you should break up or stay together but for me it helped me step back and see my larger overall patterns.  I didn’t end it right away (and I won’t even say that *I’m* the one who ended it, in the end… ;) but it was a really good “objective” look at emotional data I was having trouble managing.

      Main things that interested me with that guy (apart from OMG I’m mostly unhappy!) were my diary notes. Lots of my bad days talked about the same problems, which helped me see that maybe they weren’t just going to go away!
      That said, no app can or should make a big decision like this for you.  I want to help give you some data to reflect on, though. 

      • June

         :) thank you for replying. I do understand your point, and you are quite right. I think about stuff like this all the time, and the question “is this worth it?” comes to my mind very frequently. I wasnt criticizing you and your app. I’m just assuming my weekness in terms of making a decision even when i know deep down it might be the best option

        • http://twitter.com/fablednet Sarah Gray

          Hey June, thanks! I didn’t take it as criticism at all, btw :) I’ve definitely been in a few relationships where I “knew” they weren’t worth it but somehow I wasn’t ready / able to leave as soon as I thought I should have.  In retrospect, even when I felt weak for not leaving, I think  I was still learning from my relationship. Relationships aren’t cut-and-dried things after all: they’re intimate, living experiences with people we love, and they shape us.  I wish you the best outcome for you with your guy right now! Don’t be too hard on yourself, explore the journey, and move to the next level when you’re ready :) 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1306033657 Andrea Lynema

      Dumb. If your willing to have an app tell you that you should break up with your boyfriend, and if you actually listen to the answer it gives you, I think you already know. Also, if you’re willing to listen to an app more than your own instincts, I think it’s time to give the relationship world a break and just figure out yourself.

      • http://twitter.com/fablednet Sarah Gray

        It’s true.. pretty unlikely you’d pick up the app if you were really happy! Though now I’m “stuck” with a BF who’s terrific, so I use the app to send him nice notes all the time :) 

        My goal is to help you reflect — not tell you what to do. But it’s true, if you’re asking you might already know :)

        Thanks for commenting!

      • Lilytse_120

        There’s books written to help you decide if a relationship you should stay or go. This is just the app version of that. I think it’s a great example of turning a crisis into an opportunity. Bravo Sarah. You build something out of a difficult time. I fully support.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501809676 Francesca Filardo

      It’s a great idea! Journaling/diaries are really helpful ways to reflect on things that are happening in your life, especially in relationships. I’ve actually broken up with a few guys after journaling about my relationships with them for a few weeks/months and noticing that we always had the same arguments, made the same apologies, and continued doing the same things.

      • http://twitter.com/fablednet Sarah Gray

        Yeah, that repetitive pattern-matching was what got me! thanks!

    • Rishtopher

      I see no problem with this. From what I understand, it doesn’t tell you what to do, it’s more like a visual diary helping you to see the overall big picture of your relationship. If anyone gets offended by this, it’s probably only because of the name. 

    • Anonymous

      This app presents quite a quandary.  While I suspect that a majority of objections to it might spring from what Raymond noted above:  It imposes a juxtaposition of concepts (love vs. rationality) that seemingly come from diametrically opposed psychological frameworks.  That is, were you to discover that someone you know had been trying to generate a means to quantify then graph the state of their relationship with their significant other, you might begin to think very differently about this person.  You might find their analysis of an intimate relationship in this manner to be callous, or somehow suggestive of a deficiency  in their ability to experience a DEPTH of emotion.  Immediately, you trust this person less and resolve to remember this moment should some sort of zombie apocalypse scenario arise in the near future.

      Clearly I find the above reaction reasonable, given the conditions presented.  However, pertaining to this app, the callous calculations are delegated to the logic of the program.  Therefore, one employing this app does not import the negative traits associated with the first scenario.  Further, one does not yet import the negative traits even in following the “advice” of the app.  Only in demonstrating a personal ability to quantify love does one deserve to be judged as capable of thinking in what might be called an inhuman fashion, or simply as being insane (possibly dangerously so).

      So, it is my contention that this is a very clever idea.  It basically shows you statistics of your own experience, and this is no more morally objectionable than when sociologists attempt to quantify human behavior.  In doing so, academics of this disciple set up experiments/questionnaires that rely on human input to generate the data that is to be analyzed.  The app utilizes the data that the user supplies, therefore its determination is entirely a product of what the user chooses to enter.  It then follows that trusting the app is merely trusting your own emotional input, presented in a different format (Sarah, you have done well to make this same point; it is just something to LOOK at, I feel you there).  Ultimately, any action on your part will be of your own volition, and most certainly not attributable to a hand held electronic device. 

      Remaining mindful of this last fact, along with avoiding the noted misconceptions regarding a potential user, explains why Sarah, by all rights, defends the creation of this app.  It is disconcerting when one sees their work mis–or under–interpreted.  Here we see why Bukowski referred to them as “the maddening horde.”   

       

      • Sam

        pompous much…

      • TA

        Your writing is superfluous, next time try writing clear and concise.

    • Ainsley

      if you need this app you should probably break up with your boyfriend.

    • Mary

      You might think that if you need this, you should break up with your boyfriend, but think about it. Think about every time you get dumped, you think about how great that relationship was and how you think you could’ve worked it out. I know I do that alot, and with my last relationship that ended, I was crushed….until I looked at all my frustrated blog posts about him and realized that it actually wasn’t all that great. I guess this is a way to see that things aren’t going as well as they should (or maybe they’re going better than you think) before its too late. 

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