Food Porn

Steaming deep-fried lobster dipped in butter on organic blueberry waffles. Kale fried in pork fat served with carmelized onions next to mashed potatoes topped with organic sour cream, salt, butter, and pepper. Medium rare steak fried in butter topped with sour cream next to shoestring sweet potato fries with garlic aoli dipping sauce. A gigantic plate of Thai fried rice and a Singha, and a Coke. Hot banana walnut pancake sandwich with fried egg, bacon and maple syrup filling topped with hand-whipped organic cream. Maple syrup over fried chicken and steaming waffles.

Meatballs. Pho with hot vegetable broth, fried tofu, sprouts, thai basil, carrots, onions, and sriracha. Homemade baked macaroni and cheese made of a four-cheese and sour-cream mixture topped with crispy bread crumbs. Hand-picked blackberries in organic whipping cream topped with a pinch of sugar. A sizzling pork cutlet dipped in chunky applesauce. Seafood paella and a carafe of cold white wine. A juicy ass hamburger. Fried sausage links with sweet potato hashbrowns fried in butter, topped with butter and maple syrup. Cream cheese and crab filled pot stickers. Carne asada burrito with rice, beans, iceberg lettuce, sour cream, cheese, red peppers, corn, and salsa. Organic chunky peanut butter and homemade strawberry jam mixed into organic plain whole-fat yogurt. Stuffing slathered in gravy.

Chicken teriaki with a side of pork gyoza. Fish ‘n’ chips. Flan. Doritos nachos with chicken, jalepeños, pinto beans and sour cream. Fried collards with fried cubed potates and fried onions. Doner kebab, sauce dripping down your chin. Spaghetti with sauce of reduced organic heirloom tomatoes, onions, kale, and small pieces of sausage served with garlic bread. Cheesy, cheesy scrambled eggs mixed with sour cream. So cheesy. Sunflower seed butter on celery, carrots and apples. Tempura of shrimp, sweet potato, carrot, asparagus, onion, and broccoli. Twice baked potato topped with sour cream and bacon. Hot coffee in the morning. Cat fish po’ boy.

Spicy tuna roll with gobs of soy sauce/ wasabi and toasted rice tea and a large Asahi. Such a juicy peach. Steaming hot apple cobbler with brown sugar/ butter/ oatmeal/ flour topping topped with organic unwhipped whipping cream with home made hot chocolate topped with organic whipped cream and nutmeg. Glühwein and a bratwurst at the Champs-Élysées Christmas market with someone you’re falling in love with. Bacon wrapped steak. Lasagna with spinach, ricotta, ground beef, shredded carrots, and mozzarella. A prosciutto, butter and cold cheese baguette. Steamed broccoli with melted butter. Angel hair pasta with roasted garlic and butter. Mushroom risotto.

Deep-fried macaroni and cheese bites with a cold can of beer. Smoothie of strawberries, blueberries, nectarines, plain whole-milk yogurt, and a small amount of orange juice. A vodka tonic with peanuts, pickled vegetables and olive hors d’oeuvres. Deep fried chile relleño con queso y frijoles negros con crema. F-cking steaming ass piroshky. Carmelized onion and goat cheese pizza. Duck stew. Grilled cheese with cheddar on the inside and shredded cheese fried into the outside of both pieces of bread, fried in butter, served with creamy tomato soup. Chicken breasts stuffed with sausage and breadcrumbs, served with a carafe of white wine. Homemade lemonade with cloves at the park with your best friends. Kung pao chicken. So much kung pao chicken. TC mark

image – Vincent X

More From Thought Catalog

  • Kakins8244

    I LOVE THIS.

  • http://twitter.com/boscotung Bosco Tung

    LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/jolene.fernandes Jolene Fernandes

    Fuckbrilliant ! I see this on a  tee !

  • http://xtothequ.tumblr.com xq

    fooderotica?

  • WHY?

    FUCK YOU! I’M SO HUNGRY!

  • Bah

    WHY NO PHOTOS?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=9383035 Scott Muska

    Brandon, you should edit an annual anthology called ‘The Best American Food Erotica Writing.’

  • Turtlez122

    phocking brilliant. (get it?!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=522355349 Ike Ashley L'Étranges-Obi

    Pics or it didn’t happen.

  • plainjane

    This is not food porn, if it was it would be a description of people abusing food and saying things like “we need to destroy this waffle”. Your article is worship of food, but porn is not worship of sex.

    • a.

      I think you missed the point.

    • Kate

      because i food-jerked off to it, it is food porn.

  • Muumuu House

    sweet, succulent waffle asses

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Big Mac, fries, large Coke.  I like to feel dirty after I eat. 

  • Chris

    The best thing I have read all year. I can’t get it back down.

  • Guest

    http://foodporndaily.com/Photographic version of this article.Keep clicking…and drooling! So addictive!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Caroline-Evertz/25521401 Caroline Evertz

    All of the above please.

  • Becky Henderson

    Loved this. I feel I’m lacking in maple syrup.

  • Catt

    I read this out loud to myself and got turned on. You’re good.

  • Cake!!!

    But why is there no dessert?

  • Anonymous

    Hands down, the best article on thought catalog. Love the #dark tag as well. Haha I remember being hungry yesterday so I started writing a blog post about food and it ended up being “FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I’M HUNGRY, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!” It went on about 30 lines down. Oh, food…

  • Speckles

    I may have just fallen in love with you. 

  • Anonymous

    linkhide.com.ar/47632

  • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

    I have maple syrup, I think I need to use it

  • http://twitter.com/anjely989 andrea lynema

    Stop saying “organic”, you’re ruining my orgasm!

  • Asavva

    I will make lots of these dishes during the next week or so. Lots of good ideas; you eat well!
    It does creep me out how you Americans spell caramelised as carmelized, the word was bastardised! Lol

    • http://twitter.com/SHOOTNEE courtney lim

      *bastardized

  • Lorna J

    …with spicy club saaauuuceee

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