Logically Unsound Justifications For Drinking

You didn’t drink yesterday.

As long as you don’t smoke cigarettes, you won’t have a hangover tomorrow. Just don’t smoke cigarettes and you’ll be fine.

You ‘made it through the day’ (read: you didn’t die today).

Bloody Marys! They’re their own justification.

You’re unemployed! Who gives a sh-t what happens tomorrow? One more day of your bed vacation will be totally fine.

It’s Friday!

It’s Saturday!

It’s brunch!

One glass of wine never hurt anyone. Or two glasses of wine. Three glasses of wine doesn’t mean anything other than that you like wine. Three glasses of wine is fine!

Tomorrow’s Friday!

Everyone drinks wine. People drink entire bottles of wine all the time. Jesus made wine and people said it was a miracle. There’s nothing wrong with drinking an entire bottle of wine. I mean, drinking a bottle of wine is acceptable. Remember those crazy Spanish people in The Sun Also Rises? That book was written in the 20s! That’s total proof that drinking an entire bottle of wine is acceptable.

Drinking half the amount of alcohol you normally do and then smoking pot is totally guilt-free and permissible on weeknights. I mean, it just makes sense.

Happy Hour! Not your fault it starts at 4.

There are sports on television.

You’re at the airport.

You’re on an airplane.

Well — if he’s buying. Can’t say ‘no’ to a free drink.

You studied all day, i.e., for perhaps the fifth time in your life, you exercised self-discipline for over two hours. Celebrate it with four to six hours of self-indulgence.

You need ‘help out’ on your first date. She’ll never know — just make sure she doesn’t smell it on your breath.

A beer at 2 p.m. doesn’t mean you’ve ‘started drinking’ at 2 p.m. It doesn’t mean that at all. In no way does it necessitate that you’ll have a cigarette on the way home and open another beer when you get inside. It definitely won’t lead to another beer and cigarette after that. And by that time it’ll be like 5 p.m., which is an acceptable time to ‘start’ drinking. So whatever. You’re fine. TC mark

image – daniel


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  • Fargus

    story of my life

    • http://twitter.com/Buffalogal Nicole Shoe

      i love this so hard.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh


  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    “Well — if he’s buying. Can’t say ‘no’ to a free drink.”
    Yep, that.

  • Whitelightgenerator

    my favorite excuses involving wine:
    “Its part of a healthy Mediterranean diet!”
    “A bottle is really only just 4 glasses if you think about it and 4 glasses isn’t that much”

    • Brandon

      that second one is really good.

  • Mashka

    I’m Russian, so I’m basically only able to function when vodka is in my system. That’s my excuse. 

  • Anonymous

    “well, i had a hard day at work and even though i have to be up early i deserve to have fun with a drink or two or three or four or five..”

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    So whatever, totally fine.  Totally.  Fine.  

  • http://mrianmbelcurry.tumblr.com/ Mr. Ian M. Belcurry

    Well done, but to me, they seem pretty sound logically.

  • xra

    “Drinking half the amount of alcohol you normally do and then smoking pot
    is totally guilt-free and permissible on weeknights. I mean, it just
    makes sense.”

    this one makes perfect sense

  • AnotherAnonymous

    The last one is the best.

  • heehee

    i miss england, where “i finished my morning cup of coffee, now my cup is empty” is a justification for drinking (in brizzle, at least…)

  • F.

    story of my life

  • http://rayguntest.tumblr.com Raegan

    So true. At one point I realized I hit rock bottom when I was thinking to myself, “I didn’t drink yesterday”. WTF KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT?!

  • Anonymous
  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    ugh, this is too true.

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