Dear Straight Dude,
Sooo, I know this has happened once or twice to ME and I’m kind of curious as to what it’s like on the other side. What’s it like for a straight dude who has a gay friend that’s in love with him? As a gay man in Texas (not a ton of homos down here), I’ve fallen in love with two straight guys. It was embarrassing, awkward and just downright weird for me. I couldn’t help myself around him. I flirted unconsciously, touched his arms and chest way more than I should have and wanted to be around him even when I was the third wheel. Looking back, I’m a little mortified by my actions and I can’t help but wonder what it was like for him. Can you help a homo brother out?
In Love With a Woman-Lover
Dear In Love With a Woman-Lover,
I hear you, and it’s okay. Your situation isn’t all that uncommon, and I know some gay bros that only seem to fall for straight guys. But how’s it feel to us straight dudes? I will try to explain.
First, the situation is not necessarily bad (like, friendship-ending bad), especially if the straight guy in question is a chill bro. Having someone fawn over you is always flattering, whether or not said person is a romantic interest.
However, if mishandled, the situation could turn against you – and the friendship. If the guy you’re crushing on is perceptive, he’ll likely know that you’re into him, and every flirtatious move you make – whether conscious or not – will probably be noticed and interpreted as a reinforcement of your crush on him. This can definitely get old, fast (it’s uncommon for anyone to enjoy constant reminders that someone who they’re not into wants to bone them) and if you’re not careful, you may risk a future program of avoidance. Specifically, you run the risk of creating a sort of baseline level of discomfort for your friend whenever you two are broing down, and you also run the risk of ‘forcing’ him to create little behaviors that will successfully mitigate all your innocent little advances. Know what I mean?
That’s not to say that your attraction is wrong or malicious or whatever. It isn’t even to say that he doesn’t appreciate it or find it endearing (or even understandable) on some level. After all, you two are friends, and friends share a wavelength that they both access whilst interacting with each other. It’s just that, if you give your friend any type of social intelligence credit, you gotta assume he knows what’s up, and if he’s not interested, well – who likes having to turn someone down all the time?
Anyways, stay good, gay bro. Hope Texas is treating you well.