Choose Your Own Adventure: Going Out To Eat With Your Long-Term Monogamous Girlfriend

“Yeah, let’s go see flamenco, that’s actually a perfect idea. We’ve been wanting to see it for like three weeks now. Good idea,” you say. You look at her. She smiles.

“Yeah, this will be fun,” she says.

You two start walking. You put your hand in your pocket and she puts her hand in there with it.

“Oh, good. I’m glad, this is going to be fun,” she says. She’s smiling. You’ve always had a hard time dealing with un-self-conscious displays of happiness, so you look forward and grin “sheepishly,” nod your head quickly and say “good. Want to take the long way?” She grins.

You use the map in Time Out’s Guide To Barcelona, “the best, most comprehensive city guides in print today” (The Independent) and detour to the Plaça Sant Jaume before heading up to the Catedral de la Santa Creu i Santa Eulàlia, which “happens to be one of Gaudi’s earlier works,” you tell your girlfriend of two and a half years, only knowing this information from catching a glimpse of a placard you both just passed, but employing it effectively, eliciting a coo from her and ultimately enhancing, you note, the amount of “European authenticity” you’re both experiencing. From the Catedral, which was actually constructed several hundred years before Gaudi was born (you both find this out later while reading the church’s Wikipedia entry), you happen upon a maze of narrow streets so incalculably authentic that you both unconsciously assume the facial expressions of little children.

By the time you get to the flamenco restaurant, any bad feelings that may have existed are gone (were there even any?). Surprisingly, you’re ready for a night of drinks and conversation. You’re ready to be impressed by the flamenco performers. You’re ready to indulge in tapas. Looking inside, you see that it’s crowded – but not too crowded – and that there’s a perfect seat right next to the band, who’s just setting up.

“Look, it’s so nicely lit,” she says, to your right, looking in.

“Yeah, it looks nice,” you say, sensing that the decision to pursue flamenco was the correct one and that, in fact, the decision to go on this entire European vacation was the right (in fact, the only) decision to make and you know, from the nature of this type of feeling, that your girlfriend of two and a half long years, who has, lately, brought up marriage and children a number of times, which you’ve met, surprisingly, with a sort of amusement (rather than dismay), is also experiencing this same sequence of thoughts, that you two were completely right in your decision as a team to come to Europe and then to see, among other “authentic European” traditions, flamenco. You look at the menu board outside, and you’re pleased to find that they have an English version, but you can hardly read it because you forgot your glasses. You move your face closer to the menu, squinting. You can barely make it out. Your girlfriend moves over to where you are and puts her arm around you. She’s grinning. “Are you cute?” she says.



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  • Jamie

    absolute goldmine

  • Kal

    i tried to do the right thing… this is accurate. i feel like i try to be nice a lot but it just backfires…

  • accordionkeyz

    This was brilliant. Although she was totally being a bitch and I was in no way retarded.

  • matthew

    I actually had a hard time choosing between the flamenco or not.

  • Travis Baugh


  • Joseph Ernest Harper

    Nailed it again. Definitely would have gotten laid.

  • Lazy Roar

    Please do more, this was excellent.

  • Michael Koh


  • tao

    highly enjoyed this

    felt amused, 'delighted,' emotional

    really sweet…

    felt myself wanting to read a novel like this at times

  • mario

    used 'open link in new tab' to simulate holding the page with my finger like the way i did with choose your own adventure goosebumps.

  • Chelsea

    i won!

  • kids with guns

    “and both of you sit on this bench for over ten minutes of excruciating silence, watching younger, happier couples pass arm-in-arm, until you stand, turn and say that you’re going home and that she can come with you if she wants. “

    every rshippy ive ever been in ugh

  • david miller

    'incalculably authentic' – sweet.

    enjoyed this very much brandon.

    seemed like a kind of travel writing i've never read before.

    also felt like i was in the flow with my choice to 'go flamenco'.


  • brittany wallace

    i enjoyed this a lot… good job

    i think i say the sentences “i don't know” and “you decide” 14x the amount of the average human

  • Julian Tully Alexander

    My friend and I read this out loud as we chose our own adventure. We had a “traditional and authentic European experience”. Really liked this article.

  • George Darroch

    I think I enjoyed this. Perhaps this is why I am single and travel alone.

    I never have to choose. Anything.

  • Martha

    This was excellent!

  • Laura S

    wow…i swear this could have easily been about me and my bf of two years….we're always getting into the “you pick” “no you pick” fight over where to go for dinner…advice?

  • Samie Rose

    This was brilliant. I love you (seriously, wanna go get some palak paneer sometime? Or something?)

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