Choose Your Own Adventure: Going Out To Eat With Your Long-Term Monogamous Girlfriend

You’re on an extended European vacation with your long-term monogamous girlfriend of two and a half years. While you’re staying in short-term apartment rentals and thus have a kitchen to cook your meals (you want to save money and you both genuinely feel “more mature” than “the hostel scene”), there exists a not-unreasonable pressure to go out to coffee and lunch and dinner regularly in order to attain the “authentic European dining experience.”

You two haven’t gone out for a couple of days, this as a result of a somewhat childish and unexpected bout of bickering and mutual “feeling bad,” the crux of which lies in old, tired, talked-about-for-probably-over-1000-hours-in-the-past-issues that you both know by now are simply there and are not going to go away any time soon, because both of you “get” the intense difficulty of personal change (but are as yet undecided if “personal change” is “right,” “right” as in “I understand aspects of my personality frustrate you but I don’t know if its right to change them for someone”). So, understandably, your girlfriend wants to go out. And you agree.

Before coming to Europe (specifically, you’re in Barcelona, one of the premier European tourist destinations according to such popular web blogs as and, you bought a guide book (which by it’s nature leads you to cafes, bars and restaurants at which only other tourists dine), and right now, your girlfriend’s looking at it. She’s turns her eyes to you. “Do you want to look at these restaurants with me or do you want me to decide?”

You: keep staring at your laptop and say “You can decide” or look up from your laptop, close it, sit down on the couch next to her, and say “Let’s see what our options are.”


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  • Jamie

    absolute goldmine

  • Kal

    i tried to do the right thing… this is accurate. i feel like i try to be nice a lot but it just backfires…

  • accordionkeyz

    This was brilliant. Although she was totally being a bitch and I was in no way retarded.

  • matthew

    I actually had a hard time choosing between the flamenco or not.

  • Travis Baugh


  • Joseph Ernest Harper

    Nailed it again. Definitely would have gotten laid.

  • Lazy Roar

    Please do more, this was excellent.

  • Michael Koh


  • tao

    highly enjoyed this

    felt amused, 'delighted,' emotional

    really sweet…

    felt myself wanting to read a novel like this at times

  • mario

    used 'open link in new tab' to simulate holding the page with my finger like the way i did with choose your own adventure goosebumps.

  • Chelsea

    i won!

  • kids with guns

    “and both of you sit on this bench for over ten minutes of excruciating silence, watching younger, happier couples pass arm-in-arm, until you stand, turn and say that you’re going home and that she can come with you if she wants. “

    every rshippy ive ever been in ugh

  • david miller

    'incalculably authentic' – sweet.

    enjoyed this very much brandon.

    seemed like a kind of travel writing i've never read before.

    also felt like i was in the flow with my choice to 'go flamenco'.


  • brittany wallace

    i enjoyed this a lot… good job

    i think i say the sentences “i don't know” and “you decide” 14x the amount of the average human

  • Julian Tully Alexander

    My friend and I read this out loud as we chose our own adventure. We had a “traditional and authentic European experience”. Really liked this article.

  • George Darroch

    I think I enjoyed this. Perhaps this is why I am single and travel alone.

    I never have to choose. Anything.

  • Martha

    This was excellent!

  • Laura S

    wow…i swear this could have easily been about me and my bf of two years….we're always getting into the “you pick” “no you pick” fight over where to go for dinner…advice?

  • Samie Rose

    This was brilliant. I love you (seriously, wanna go get some palak paneer sometime? Or something?)

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