1. I’m sorry I called someone a ‘dick bag’ in front of your grandma.
2. I’m sorry I was staring at you. You look like Jon Snow and I was trying to imagine him with your haircut.
3. I’m sorry I used all the Elmer’s glue because I poured it on my hands and peeled it off once it dried. I’m also sorry you caught me quoting “Silence of the Lambs” while doing so.
4. I’m sorry I used all the printer ink printing my bootleg copy of book 8 from Harry Potter. Yes, I realize now there never was a book 8 in the first place. Yes, I realize I actually printed off a Norwegian phone book.
5. I’m sorry I said the word ‘clitoris’ so loudly your dad heard it in the other room and now can’t make eye contact with me.
6. I’m sorry I used all the peroxide. I like to pour it on random things to see the bubbles.
7. I’m sorry I ate all the spray cheese. Yes, I know you only bought it an hour ago.
8. I’m sorry I woke you up because I was laughing loudly at cute videos of puppies online.
9. I’m sorry I made your six year old cry because I pointed out what a life ruiner Dora the Explorer actually is.
10. I’m really sorry I used all the Q-tips trying to build a replica of Minas Tirith.
11. I’m sorry I ate the whole brick of cheddar cheese. Yes, I know I always eat all the cheese.
12. I’m sorry I annoyed you by talking like Ace Ventura all day. Again.
13. I’m sorry I keep calling your dog “Booger Butt”…I just think it is really funny.
14. I’m sorry I used your nail polish to paint my model of Minis Tirith.
15. I’m sorry I awkwardly pointed at your husband’s crotch and said “I like that.” I was referring to his old school Nintendo belt buckle.