I Am Not A Tranny!

I’ve frequently been getting asked on Grindr if I’m a girl or a tranny. It happens at least twice a week. I’m no stranger to having my gender questioned. It happened all the time during my childhood, but I thought those days were over. I guess not.

I think it happened a lot when I was younger because I used to be chubby and had huge tits. I still have a large chest, but instead of being man-boobs, they are now pecs. Also I’ve always had a girly voice. I don’t think my voice has ever deepened – even though that’s what’s supposed to happen to every boy during puberty. I’m pretty certain it’s never happened to me.

I’m sure my high-pitched voice will always be something for which I’m ridiculed. But it’s just another of the many things that makes me unique and adds to the ridiculousness/ outrageousness/ fabulousness that is me.
I’m an effeminate gay. I like girly things. Girly movies, clothes, TV, etc. Many gays do. I’m not ashamed of what I like. I even like wearing makeup and have no problem wearing girl clothes. I’m envious that girls have so many options when it comes to wearing revealing clothing. I want to wear stuff that’s tight and accentuates my favorite assets. I know that I’m a busty boy and want to show it off.

I find it strange that other gays on a gay dating app would try to criticize me or make fun of me for wearing makeup. I think I obviously look like a boy in my pictures. I don’t have long hair. I am just wearing a low-cut shirt in one photo and cut off shorts in another. The only make up I’m wearing is some foundation, which I doubt is that visible, and some eyeliner. Yes, I guess I’m completely wearing girl clothes, but I don’t think I look like a girl. My huge biceps would be the biggest indicator of that.

The worst pick-up line I’ve ever received was when I went to my very first gay club. Some guy who looked like a crackhead came up to me and said, “Are you a boy or a girl? You’re so pretty I can’t even tell.”

There’s nothing wrong with resembling a girl and being androgynous. I’ve always embraced my feminine side, which is admittedly more prominent than my masculine side. But I’m a boy. I like being a boy. I don’t want to be a girl. I’ve always said that the only reason why’d I’d ever want to be a girl is because they get to wear sluttier clothes, find rich men, get pregnant, and get enough child support to maintain their lifestyles forever.

I used to get really offended whenever people questioned my gender, but now it’s whatever. I know who I am. I know what I like. I’m not ashamed of anything. I can wear as much makeup as I want, and as many girl clothes as I want. I’m comfortable with myself, my sexuality, and my gender.

It’s just sad that it’s even an issue. As gays, we already have to go through so much in order to be comfortable with ourselves and embrace who we are. But apparently even after coming to terms with your sexuality, you still face more discrimination from other gay men regarding your masculinity.

I hate that there is effemiphobia in the gay community. Effemiphobia is a dislike or discrimination towards feminine gays. There are so many guys that are turned off by them and believe that since we’re boys, we must act ultra masculine. Although, I must admit that I’m not particularly attracted to feminine guys. But I think that’s just because I’m already so feminine myself that I’m naturally drawn to a guy who’s my opposite.

I think that gay men who have a problem with feminine gays still aren’t comfortable with themselves and have issues with their own masculinity. It’s just disheartening that it seems like a significant portion of the gay community feels the need to hate on feminine gays.

I find that feminine gays are the ones who are most comfortable with themselves. We feel free to be who we are and unapologetically embrace both our masculine and feminine sides. We don’t feel pressured to have to defend that we still feel like boys. We can do whatever we want without worrying about not being perceived as “man enough”—a phrase that has absolutely no real or logical meaning.

I love who I am and am not going to change for anyone. It’s unfortunate that the masculine men I’m attracted to tend to be less open to feminine guys, but I’m optimistic that I’ll find one that will embrace all of my feminine qualities.

As Lady Gaga says “Don’t be a drag, just be a queen.” Although with so many saying I look like a girl, I’m sure I’d make a gorgeous drag queen. TC mark

image – To Wong Foo

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  • http://profiles.google.com/mhmandthen walter davis

    i just spent like 10 minutes looking for a picture of you

    • http://profiles.google.com/mhmandthen walter davis

      nevermind i found one and i'd say you look pretty masculine… http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr

      • http://profiles.google.com/bpike53199 Brad Pike

        If he looks like a girl, he looks like a girl who could beat the shit out of me if he wanted to.

      • Genik

        You look like a girl alright…. an extremely… ugly…. girl… god, that is just hideous. And yes, I’m gay.

    • PERFECTCIRCLES

      Please provide us with a video, some sort of blog documenting your time at the gay bar.

  • JoseG(:

    :)<3

  • Carolyn Givens

    “I’ve always said that the only reason why’d I’d ever want to be a girl is because they get to wear sluttier clothes, find rich men, get pregnant, and get enough child support to maintain their lifestyles forever.”

    Love how you put that in an ordered sequence! Sadly, that never happened for me …but maybe I didn't dress slutty enough? lol

    Teasing aside, good on you for standing your ground and speaking your mind! Shows character.

    • PERFECTCIRCLES

      Yeah, that is a very bizarre interpretation of the life of a modern woman.

  • Guest

    tits or gtfo

  • Jess

    I personally find it problematic that you don't see anything wrong with using the term “tranny” yourself, regardless of whether those meanies on Grindr do.

  • http://profiles.google.com/taw.woods Todd Woods

    If you want guys who aren't effemiphobic and a little more intelligent, maybe you should look further than Grindr. Just say'n.

  • ttouy

    If you aren't a tranny you're doing it wrong if they think you're one.

  • Reallyyyydude

    You know what else is in the gay community? Transphobia. Get the fuck out.

  • Lindseycm

    i really don't understand this article. I think in this day and age, gender is something that exists on a continuum. we now live in a world where people are allowed to express a gender identity anywhere between construction worker and beauty queen. and while i understand that one's gender and one's sex are two different things (gender is identity, sex is biology), sometimes it gets confusing when gilds dress like boys and boys dress like girls. in everyday interactions at the grocery store or whatever, i don't really think it's relevant what sex you are, so i can understand taking offence at an invasive question like “are you a boy or a girl?” – what difference does it make to the bag boy? but when you're on a dating site, people are looking for what they are attracted to in terms of gender and in terms of sex. some may be looking for manly girls, others looking for girley men. so when you're expressing a gender identity that exists somewhere between manly and girley, i don't see what the problem is if someone asks for clarification. just so no one ends up in a hotel room with a partner whose junk isn't what they were looking for.
    don't know anything about ephimiphobia in the gay community, so not saying anything about that, just that when you're looking to get down, a few clarifying questions shouldn't be taken as offensive., just my two cents….

  • Sydney (Ms. DIVA M)

    Love this Branden. <3

  • Caro

    I’ve always said that the only reason why’d I’d ever want to be a girl is because they get to wear sluttier clothes, find rich men, get pregnant, and get enough child support to maintain their lifestyles forever.

    ^gross

  • Kubs

    Absolutely Fahhhhbulous <3

  • LalaBerk

    this is such a good read. LOVES ITTT

  • Abalone

    “I’ve always said that the only reason why’d I’d ever want to be a girl is because they get to wear sluttier clothes, find rich men, get pregnant, and get enough child support to maintain their lifestyles forever.”

    That's grotesque.

  • http://twitter.com/chrisglezper Chris Torruella

    Effemiphobia… so it does have a name.

  • Urahater

    Nice use of slurs there….I guess tho being a minority you felt the need to pick on a smaller less protected minority like the trans community…..

  • PL

    In your article you make the case that effeminate men are more comfortable with themselves than masculine gay/bi men. I don’t think that this is true at all. If you are naturally more feminine then that is a function of who YOU are. It is not to say that all gay men secretly wish that they could be effeminate too, but they don’t have the confidence to do so publicly. Some of us are simply not that feminine, and we prefer it that way. 
    I do agree with some of your arguments however, and I think that people should feel free to be themselves without ridicule or judgement. 

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