The initial sting that stems from losing a person you love is inevitable. There will be moments of anger, and there will be moments of sadness. There will be moments where you are filled with regret, and moments that feel like sheer defeat.
These moments will flood your brain at first. They may be triggered by a familiar object, a familiar place, a familiar memory, a song, or maybe even a smell. You will remember the way your person talked, walked, laughed, and argued; their quirks, the way the ends of their lips curl when they smile, and the way you felt when you were engulfed by their embrace. You will listen to your friends and your other loved ones casually bring your former lover up in conversations while you sit and pretend that the weight on your chest isn’t suffocating you.
I was prepared to face all of these negative emotions and occurrences with strength and dignity. I was ready to experience that familiar pain.
But you made it easy to forget you.
I spent five years loving you with everything that I am. I spent five years fighting for you to love me the same way in return. I do not have any familiar objects that remind me of you, because you were not sentimental. I am not afraid to revisit a specific place, because you never wanted to go anywhere with me. The few good memories we have do not outweigh the bad ones. My friends and my loved ones never speak of you because you were never present in their lives.
That pain I expected to feel as a result of losing you was replaced with a strong craving for personal development. I gave you everything, and I was left with nothing. But I am something.
Thank you kindly for taking more than you could give, and not leaving anything behind. Thank you for making your absence in my life more apparent than your presence. Thank you for providing me with a clean slate so I can grow. I won’t miss you, I promise.