Latest Posts

Monologue Of A Guy Who Lost A Board Game

I’m going to have to flip the table, kick my foot through the window, tear off my own arm, eat the arm, cry, and throw up in the next four seconds if I have any hope of expunging the darkness welling up in my soul like an oil derrick.

Monologue Of A Preschool Consultant

Are you paying attention? I can see your eyes lolling about as if from extraocular muscle spasms. Okay, everyone gets Adderall. Have all the Adderall in my pocket. Do not choke on the Adderall.

Comic Review: Action Cats

No, I’m definitely just an average comic consumer with no particular predilection toward anything specific about this comic, certainly not KITTIES SO CUTE I THREW UP AND THEN CRIED.

Atheists Need Their Own Christmas

There will be a Christmas tree, yes, but it will be called the Slowly Dying Conifer. Why the Slowly Dying Conifer? Well, the Slowly Dying Conifer serves to remind us of the terrible truth of our lives: we did not ask to be here, but here we are.

Review of Romantic Comedy

Romantic Comedy Movie centers around a female character who at first dislikes a male character — due to their oppositional personalities, worldviews, lifestyles, etc.

Re: BLOOD FOR CAKE (Chicago)

What a terrible scenario to imagine if someone — not me, of course, but someone — siphoned off a portion of blood and improperly transported it, leading to coagulated garbage blood, unfit for anyone’s mysterious, undoubtedly sinister purpose.

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