Latest Posts

I Am The Most Amazing Extrovert

What do you mean you don’t like dancing? Everyone likes dancing, everyone who isn’t an anxiety stricken, socially retarded recluse, everyone with a warm and living soul, everyone who feels an abiding connection with the world-spirit.

Why You Can’t Grab Cats Off The Street

But unfortunately, you can’t snatch cats off the street. You can’t wander down back alleys late at night with a great big bag and “adopt” every cat in sight. You can’t crawl into a storm drain and wait for them in the darkness, lurking for hours, listening to your own heavy breathing.

Do We Need Animals That Aren’t Cats?

But I’ll be honest; when I think about cats demolishing the biosphere, stripping the food web to a few tenuous strands, leaving only a silent empty wilderness ruled by a savage cat nation, I think: Good. Delightful. Fantastic.

How To Flirt

When you see her at the bar, do not approach; girls are easily startled and might dart into tiny holes in the floor if frightened.

I Hate Sports

My god, it’s a miracle he can open doors or hold a fork! Has this child only recently awoken from a decade-long coma, his muscles atrophied to dust? Did he grow up on a space station?

Do Not Date Your Neighbor

Of course, the appeal of the hot neighbor is impossible to deny; how can you consistently rebuff a lovely visage you see every day on the stairs?

My Most Terrifying Memory

The car suddenly swerved before righting itself, and my mom quietly put a blanket over her head for the subsequent duration. I could hear her muffled sobs.

How To Buy Clothes

The problem with clothes is their impermanence, their slow deterioration from snazzy garments into rags fit only for nuclear holocaust survivors, requiring replacement clothes, ever more replacement clothes.

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