Latest Posts

You Don’t Need Anything

The way I see it, every object you own is connected to you by a string like the house in ‘Up,’ and each string is tied to a fishhook embedded in your abdomen.

Why You Should Work From Home

You can complete your work, unencumbered by the psychic incursions of non-self animals, uninterrupted by the social compulsion to greet and discuss weather/traffic/Amanda Bynes.

Where Is My Cat?

How do other cat owners/companions allow their cats to roam the earth without supervision, knowing they could dive under a lawnmower after a cricket?

Break Up With Your Boyfriend Now Please

As our friendship escalates in intensity, I feel that I, being your borderline platonic/romantic companion, am obligated to advise you to terminate your relationship with the Anonymous Nobody Male.

My Most Expensive Date

When the waiter arrives, she orders soup, a Caribbean roll, a Ring of Fire roll, a spicy tuna roll, and a Dr. Pepper, and I frantically scan the menu, adding up the prices as she orders.

7 Dumbest Things People Buy

Once again, Corporate America tries to sell us on the notion you need a specific item to fulfill a given function when you can use practically anything soft to substitute for a pillow: a pile of grocery bags, pumpkin guts, leaves, even your own arm.

How To Be Healthy

To ensure a long and pleasant stay on this plane of existence, you must fastidiously maintain your organic machinery as a mechanic would an expensive European concept car.

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