1. Even if they give the Emmy to Claire Danes instead of Tatiana Maslany, Claire Danes will rip off her face at the podium to reveal she’s actually Tatiana Maslany.
2. Tatiana Maslany has secretly played every character in every movie for the last five years without anyone noticing.
3. Tatiana Maslany’s fake orgasms seem more real than your real orgasms.
4. One time, I thought I was in a dense tropical rainforest, but it turned out I was just standing too close to Tatiana Maslany playing a tree.
5. Tatiana Maslany could play a woman who is not Tatiana Maslany playing Tatiana Maslany playing a woman who is not Tatiana Maslany playing Tatiana Maslany in a dramatization of the making of a biopic of the life of Tatiana Maslany.
6. One time, Tatiana Maslany threw up at a party, but she acted like she didn’t, and everyone believed her.
7. The X-Men character, Mystique, is based on Tatiana Maslany.
8. When hospitals need a doctor to perform extremely delicate brain surgery, they call in Tatiana Maslany to pretend to be a surgeon.
9. As a child, Tatiana Maslany permanently traumatized her friends after playing a shark in the game, sharks and minnows.
10. For the first year of his presidency, Obama was played by Tatiana Maslany.
11. After Tatiana Maslany’s boyfriend broke up with her, his next girlfriend was played by Tatiana Maslany.
12. Tatiana Maslany could play you better than you could play yourself.
13. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really me and not Tatiana Maslany playing me.
14. Tatiana Maslany is a better actor than a cylon sleeper agent.
15. Tatiana Maslany intuitively knows all of her lines based on context clues.
16. Tatiana’s Maslany’s reel is over 100 thousand hours long and consists of her playing all 7 billion people on the planet consecutively.
17. Tatiana Maslany’s family died in a car accident when she was twelve. Since then, she’s played her mother, father, and sister, thereby convincing everyone they’re still alive, including herself.
18. All of the penguins in March of the Penguins were played by Tatiana Maslany.
19. Tatiana Maslany once murdered a man by pretending she was a gun.
20. A new reality show on Fox will follow an unsuspecting man whose every friend and acquaintance has been secretly replaced by Tatiana Maslany. It’s called Critical Maslany.
21. Before eating or drinking anything, you should always check to make sure it’s not Tatiana Maslany playing a role.