I come from a family of short people. My sister is 5’1” and I’m about 5 feet. First, I want to say that I’m a fan of my height. I can wear fantastic heels and I’ll never be taller than my date (that would just be weird). Plus, since I’m a girl, it looks “cute,” but more on that word later. I’ve always had people say some really strange and unnecessary things to me about my height. While I understand that not everyone is trying to be mean-spirited, sometimes I get annoyed and this is what I’d like to say back. In no particular order:
1. “You’re short.”
I almost forgot for a second! But thanks for reminding me — you’re super. You should also point out that I have two hands and a nose. Or better yet, why don’t you go over in the corner with your average-sized self and think about how great you are at pointing out the obvious?
2. “Are you a midget/little person?”
I never know how to answer this because, just by looking at me, any normal person could clearly see that I am not. It’s not something I consider at all offensive, but it just makes no sense. So the answer is this: I’m as much of a “little person” as you are intelligent for asking.
3. “I almost didn’t see you there because you’re so small.”
Oh? Well that’s because when you were sitting there staring at me as I walked in the room, I actually shrunk to the size of an amoeba. So I definitely understand why that was difficult for you. My apologies. Can you see me now?
4. “You’re so cute.”
This depends on who is saying it and in what context. If from a ditzy girl who accompanies the condescending comment with a pat on the head, then I want to smack her (side note: DON’T pat me on the head. Ever.). If it comes from Ryan Gosling, I’ll just say, “You bet I am. Want to marry me?”
5. “I could just put you in my pocket.”
I’d like to see you do that. Seriously. That would actually be one of the more interesting things to happen to me in my life. In fact, pass me a couple beers and I’ll try to climb in there myself.
6. “Are you sure you can reach that?”
What do you think I have this polka dotted stepstool for? It’s not for decoration.
7. “Do you shop in the children’s section?”
Do you shop in the 70-year-old women’s section? Because I think my grandmother has that same sweater. Burn.
8. “Can I see how tall I am next to you?”
I’m assuming you’ll be the same height you are now. Standing next to me won’t miraculously make you grow a few inches.
9. “Can you leave the tall guys for the tall girls?”
Sure, sorry for stealing every tall guy on the planet. Now I’ll be honest, I’ve dated my fair share of tall guys. I once dated someone who was 6’5″ and I’m pretty sure we looked like Shaq and his ex-girlfriend when we were together. However, I’ve also dated guys of average height. I promise, though, I’ll try my best not to take all the tall guys away. I clearly have them lining up outside the door.
10. “Is everyone in Albania a midget?”
This is just specific to me because I’m Albanian. If you don’t know where Albania is, I completely understand. Bonus points if you look it up! Hint: It’s close to Greece. Anyway, I once had a completely ignorant substitute teacher ask me this. I told him that, yes, everyone in Albania is my height. He was a giant and insisted on taking a picture with me. It was incredibly awkward for everyone involved and I think that picture is still around somewhere. Long story short (bad pun!), just think before you ask.