Relationships require a TON of effort. That’s why casual dating exists. You want to try people on for size before you settle in and really make a go of it. Sometimes, you can tell right away. Other times, you might date for a while before you decide the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
That beginning dating phase is essentially just a test. You’re dipping your toe in the water to decide if you can handle the plunge. And during that test, you’re looking for two sets of evidence: things that make your heart say, “Oh, hell yes,” and things that make your head say, “You’re an idiot, heart.”
We call the latter, red flags, which seems pretty dramatic. But they serve an important purpose — protecting ourselves. Opening your heart isn’t easy; you can’t just let anyone in there before you know they’ll treat it delicately.
Here are six signs that tell a guy you’re not what he’s looking for:
1. He openly talks about the other girls he’s dating.
Quite simply, he’s not concerned with hurting your feelings. If he were looking for a relationship, that certainly wouldn’t be the case.
2. You only hear from him for booty calls.
He’s only thinking of you when he’s horny. He’s not daydreaming about you all day, thinking about the perfect way to make it official. If he was, you’d talk about more than just when and where to have sex.
3. He disappears for long periods of time.
This says he has no interest in keeping you interested. If he’s not thinking about you in the long-term, he’s not thinking there’s an “us” in the long-term.
4. You never meet his friends.
If he’s not going to spend time getting other people invested in you, then he isn’t invested in you.
5. You have no hobbies.
Sorry, happy hour and Netflix don’t count. Guys aren’t looking for what Ronda Rousey would call a DNB. No real hobbies, activities or passionate interests is the hallmark warning sign of an emotionally needy person.
If you have nothing else in your life, we’ll be the one solely responsible for your happiness, and that’s unfair. If you want someone to love, you have to BE someone worthy of it.
6. You have no job.
We all want a partner, not a dependent. Things happen and it’s a tough economy, but it’s a red flag. Financial burden aside, being unemployed and not working toward a career could mean a lack of forethought, planning, drive and independence. We want someone who has their life together.