She was stunning. On our second date, she wore a long black dress that accentuated her lovely curves. As an introvert I can be shy and awkward with new people. With her I felt at ease. I remember spending night after night on her couch talking for hours. Time seemed to fly no matter what we did.
I fucked it up and cheated on her. She had every reason to hate me. Instead she forgave me and even defended me to her friends. She taught me a lot about relationships.
Things could have gone much differently. Considering my actions, our ending could have been ugly. There are ways of reacting to a break up that are harmful for you and your ex-partner. Responding from a place of bitterness can put the breaks on healing and slow down your ability to recover from heartache.
Here are 5 things you should never do after a break up.
Because of social media like facebook, Twitter and Instagram you can stalk your ex- and never leave the couch. But to what end? This obsession with his/her whereabouts will do your head in. If you want the person back, monitoring ‘status updates’ and popping up will not make that happen. You come off as creepy at best, at worst it will land you a restraining order. If you feel tempted I suggest you unfriend, unfollow or turn off the computer and direct your attention towards taking care of you.
2. Sex her/his friends (or family)
Yes, I went there. Let’s keep it real; half of you are guilty of this, and all of you have thought of it. It’s normal to want to hurt someone who you believe has hurt you. But even if you succeed, the pain you feel does not go away. All you have done is demonstrate that you have no self-respect. Trust me, avoid this behavior at all cost.
And while we’re talking about sex; no promiscuity. I’m not saying don’t fuck anybody, but damn, don’t fuck everybody. At this point you’re using sex like your drug of choice to escape the hurt you’re feeling. But like any drug, the emptiness returns not long after your “high”. Instead of using sex to mask your emotion, try facing the underlying anxieties you feel. The sooner you confront your feelings the easier it will be to heal from the break up.
4. Publish sex videos, nudity pictures & provocative emails
This behavior is devious, malicious and wrong on many levels. It’s illegal so you’re risking imprisonment. Also, presumably you’re in the videos, so unless you’re in pursuit of the Kim Kardashian method of obtaining success it’s not worth the trouble. Think of how you would feel if this was reversed. Besides, holding on to this type of material will only make you miss him/her.
5. Make major life decisions
This is not the time to join a convent, or get that forehead tattoo. A relationship break up can be one of the most painful things that anyone can endure. It’s not uncommon to experience mood swings or prolonged periods of sadness. This means that you’re more likely to have a difficult time making a major decision that is healthy and balanced.
Try making smaller but creative decisions. For example, talk to friends about your feelings sharing your story especially with those that care about you.
Meet with a psychologist, social worker, life coach, spiritual guide, or church leader. Talking to a trained professional can help you make sense of your feelings.
Try something new or something you’ve always wanted to do. This is a great time to take that ice skating, salsa dancing, or arrow shooting lessons. Spend time with those you care about such as family, friends, and mentors.
Break ups are tough. But there are things you can do to cope with the loss which can assist healing and reduce stress. In contrast, seeking revenge after you have been hurt from a romantic relationship will only prolong your suffering. Every second you spend embroiled in some vengeance scheme is taking time away from your recovery. Focus on healing and becoming a stronger, wiser you.
If you were treated poorly then he/she certainly does not deserve the energy you’re giving him. Your time is better spent moving on which starts with taking care of you.