I’m Not Exactly Sure What Love Is, But I’m Sure About You

Priscilla Du Preez

I’ve always wanted to discover what keeps a person eager and optimistic about gaining someone’s affections. For me, it feels like an utter waste of time that you could have had spent on more productive endeavors, be it finding a cure for cancer or be a volunteer in a feeding program.

This thing called “love” has always paled in comparison to that of “ambition” and “success”. Although, maybe this roots from the foundation we millennials have been built from.

It’s never been a concrete object that we’ve been able to observe. Some say it’s an unexplainable connection you establish with another, hoping that they reciprocate it, and complete the bond.

It’s a risk, that a multitude have taken despite the glaring, and maybe, impending possibility of being swept off your feet, but never being caught.

“To see is to believe” could be a reason why I fail to place my trust in this concept. Why I struggle to indulge in the otherworldly feeling that love supposedly gives you. Why I refuse to let it enter my mundane life.

I don’t know what love is.

Maybe I’m not ready for it.

But after you, this is what I’m sure of.

Many times a pang of jealousy, a sting of resentment and or a hint of denial present themselves when I see you talking to another man.

There’s always a sudden urge to do something for you that could possibly make you a tad happier, even simple stuff like bringing some fruit over. Or sending a goofy text message.

As much as I hate to admit it, waiting for your response has been a daily routine, even if you never do.

I have explored more and more activities and developed my passions just to get my mind off you.

Trust me, having your face pop up in my subconscious every two minutes is the most irritating yet delightful occurrence. I somehow still end up on my back in the middle of my apartment trying to drown out the sound of my own pain with Tom Jones every time you ignore my invitation to a date.

Every time you ask me a question, heck, every time you say something to me, my heart flies up to cloud nine, only to be brought back down to Earth when you leave.

Staring at you from across the table has been nothing short of spectacular. When do people even get to witness such beauty, sophistication and eloquence simultaneously?

You’re present in my dreams, be it in my midday naps, or in the shortest of car ride naps that I sneak in.

I’m grateful for you. You always take the load of my shoulders, making my day a little better just by existing.

I don’t know what love is. But I’ve come to realize that it’s worthwhile to learn about it. That it’s worth it to believe in it.

If there’s one thing that’s worth working on, waiting for and believing in, it’s love. It opens your heart and fills it with goodness. To take care of someone in need, to act out of kindness, and for pure unselfish reason for another human.

I may never know what exactly love means, but it’s safe to say that I love you. TC mark

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