When I think about the person I’m going to love in the future, I think about my list. Everyone has a list and so do you. Don’t deny it. My list contains a few things, like someone who I can have late night conversations with, who can make me laugh when I’m having a bad day, who can listen to me when I’m venting out all my anger, etcetera.
There are probably a million other things that you and I both want out of our ideal partner, but one thing that I’ve always considered to be an “optional” characteristic is that they’ve been heartbroken before. It’s the characteristic that’s written in fine print below all the other ideal characteristics I’ve been dreaming about, because what’s so ideal about someone who’s been broken before?
I choose to love those who’ve been heartbroken because, by definition, they are the ones who’ve loved before and have been hurt.
It’s the heartbroken ones who understand that despite the love that both people have, sometimes there’s someone who’s always going to be at the short end of the stick; and that they were once there. It’s the heartbroken ones who understand that love is a gamble and sometimes you lose everything you had started off with. It’s the heartbroken ones who know that although you’ve exhausted every effort and every breath you can take, sometimes it still “just doesn’t work out”.
It’s the heartbroken ones who’ve experienced the ultimate cruelty of love—of which promises of forever are shattered, of which promises of undying love are left and of which promises of taking care of one’s heart are broken. It’s the heartbroken ones who’ve seen the dimly lit corners that love has and yet still choose to continue walking into the room blind. Ultimately, they are the brave and courageous ones among us for having chosen to whether the storm with perseverance and determination.
Some may call them martyrs and some might call them victims, but they will soon be the heroes because it’s the heartbroken who I know understand the value of giving oneself to another. They know that it’s not easy to get to know someone and take a leap of faith in a relationship. They know it’s not easy to be vulnerable to another and show your weakest links.
It never “just doesn’t work out” because they know that to love a person is a choice and not just a feeling. It’s a continuous choice every day to love and accept the person whatever the situation, whatever the circumstances.
When you meet someone who’s been heartbroken before, though they will love with everything they have, most of them will be now be wary. They will be wary because they’re scared of having their feelings rejected and they’re afraid of being left behind. They will overthink and they will overanalyze every situation, so that they came make sure that their heart is intact. They’re going to tell themselves that they won’t fall so easily this time around.
And so, when you do meet someone who’s been heartbroken, be careful with their now fragile heart. Show them that love isn’t something to be afraid of.
I choose to love someone who’s been heartbroken, because at the end of the day, I don’t think my list matters anymore when I have someone who knows what pain, suffering and rejection is like, because it’s the heartbroken that make sure that others don’t feel the same.
But above all, it’s those who’ve been heartbroken who will give all the love they can give, who gamble what they have left and who will work day and night to make sure that they can give you a happily ever after.