So, I’m that girl. That girl who is honest and open about what she wants because she knows what she deserves. I’m that girl that has been led on, benched, heart broken, stashed, breadcrumbed, ignored, rejected, ghosted, lied to and pretty much just treated unfairly due to the inability of several boys to communicate their honest feelings. Despite all these setbacks, I still maintain a sliver of hope that maybe one day, I’ll cross paths with my Mr. Right and he’ll treat me right and embrace my honesty as one of my most valuable qualities.
Not alone in this
I know I am not alone in being ‘that girl.’ I am aware there are many of us out there, battling dating blunders week after week, with little faith in the male species. We put ourselves out there, are confident and forthright which in my experience, has scared off many suitors. ‘That girl’ is different to other girls because she vocalizes what she needs to. She doesn’t bottle it up or hang on a guy’s arm waiting for him to tell her when things are official or over. She is unconventional but plays a much better game. In a world that encourages people to communicate behind a screen, I seriously question the quality of many almost ‘relationships’ I have dodged.
As a long time ‘that girl,’ I have been on paid dating apps, free apps, set up on blind dates, as well as constantly working on myself and developing a deeper sense of self-love. I’ve spent time where I’m not actively searching in a bid to allow the universe to present me with opportunities. And I’ve also been so proactive that I am now learning the dating ‘game.’ Seeing the signs of distance, rejection and expecting these each and every time due to patterns of the past.
Back to the beginning
It’s not easy to feel waves of happiness upon meeting someone new and exciting and then almost instantly feel disappointment, anger, uncertainty, and confusion at the hands of someone who hasn’t given you the opportunity to get to know them properly. And with this rollercoaster of feelings, it is not easy at all to continue holding onto that hope that all will eventually be well. Instead, I’ve been thrown back to the beginning of the board game, copping all the snakes and no ladders for far too long.
Being back at the beginning doesn’t scare me. It frustrates me. It makes me question how and why society doesn’t value honesty and would rather hide behind a convenient lie than reveal true emotion. I guess I’m fed up. I’m that girl that always does the right thing. I’m that girl who always tries her hardest. I’m that girl who is ready to find love.
But I’m also that girl who has been let down so much that the thought of ever finding someone who wants to hold onto me is so far from my reality. And believing that is the worst kind of pain of all. But I do know that deep down, these hurdles exist because these people aren’t right and maybe, just maybe that’s the small sliver of hope I can hold onto. This isn’t the finish line, this is the race.