It’s not like we get to choose the way we are. Sure, we get to choose our surroundings and the way we live, but your personality is your personality, and there’s definitely no way around that. So, let me tell you what it means to always be the one chasing after people who will never give you half as much thought.
You know that excitement when you first get a new puppy? It’s so cute and fun and nothing in the world can be more important to you at that moment than that puppy. When you leave for work, you can’t stop thinking about this little bundle of joy that you want to spend every moment next to. You count down the hours until you can run home and snuggle up next to your puppy, and there’s no commitment in the world more important than those few hours of downtime you get with it. For the first few weeks, your pup is just as excited to see you. You walk through the door and she’s meeting you there, tail wagging and jumping into your arms. Nothing in the entire world can beat this feeling.
Then comes the day. You race home to your beloved little friend, and she’s sitting on the couch taking a nap when you walk in screaming her name. She lifts an eyebrow for a second, then goes right back to dozing. Your heart sinks because at that point, you know you’ve become old news.
You think the disappointment ends there, but it doesn’t. As things continue to level out, you become more and more obsessed with thinking up ways to make your puppy miss you and want to be around you just as much as you want to be around her. You go out of your way to do things to keep your pup thinking about you, but it doesn’t work. Nothing works. Nothing will make you more intriguing than their favorite chew toy or their favorite nap spot on the couch.
This is what you’re reduced to – second place to a chew toy. After all the work and love you’ve put into making this puppy feel like the queen of the world, you will never get a third of that love and time back. The feeling cuts through you every day as you try to figure out how you can love something so much that doesn’t even put in half the effort into loving you back that way.
Then you grow up, and puppies become people. One by one, they break your heart. You love them, harder than you should, and they only love you back a regular amount. You know better than to fall so hard, but there’s nothing stopping your stupid heart from becoming so enamored with a person who lives their day rarely even giving you a thought unless your name comes up on their Facebook feed (which you knew would happen because you posted a status right around the time you knew they would look so that they could think about you). But the reality is that they see your post and scroll on, like any normal person would do. They don’t obsess over what you’re doing at that very moment, they don’t wonder when they’ll see you next, and they can easily go the next few weeks without even speaking to you.
That’s when you lose. That’s when you become the one who cares too much about other people. That’s what it feels like to be the person who gets so easily attached that your life is one big cycle of loving and losing. And the best part?
There’s nothing you can do about it because that’s just the person you are.