cloudy sky at daytime

7 Years Later, I Still Think Of You

Do you ever end up thinking about that one certain person whom you’ve been trying to keep off your mind all along? That one person who cut you deep down, and yet whenever someone mentions their name you feel weak in your knees and butterflies in your stomach? That one person whom you would hold dearly and protect at all cost from this harsh world. Isn’t it funny how we humans fall in love with people who end up crashing us mercilessly? All it takes is a certain moment to bring back all the memories that have been locked up.

No matter how much time has passed, no matter how you managed to forget every single memory, there comes a moment, a time, an event that brings back how you felt. It brings back the aliveness that had been hidden. That certain person. It’s been seven years, and I hope you are well and happy even without me in your life.

Seven years of being apart and I still think about whether I cross your mind on random days like you do mine. I wonder whether you are willing to initiate a talk and tell me that you’ve missed me all these years we haven’t been together. Seven years of being apart and some days I wish you would call and tell me that you miss me and that it breaks your heart every time you hear my name. Seven years of being apart and my heart wishes for yours to ache and crave for me sometimes.

Seven years of being apart and I am still here thinking about us. Thinking about whether or not we would have worked out if things were right. Seven years of being apart and there are days where I still think of falling in love with you all over again. Thinking of you makes me wonder about the life we could have spent together, the moments we could have lived, and the memories we could have created.

You were someone I would run to if things went downhill or even when joy overtook me. Someone who would comfort me in my sadness and love me on my unlovable days. Some days I wish we were back together, being happy and creating picture perfect memories, but then reality hits me hard. I reckon some people are just meant to be soulmates and nothing more, and loving someone who can’t reciprocate how you feel is more tragic than not being together.

There are days when I wonder if I was an escape to mend your heart that had been broken by someone else. If I was an escape to fill up the void that you felt or an escape for you to avoid feeling the hurt from someone you held dearly. I am all piled up in my thoughts, wondering if whatever we had was even love. Did you actually love me or was I a fool to believe that you did?

Seven years of being apart and I still haven’t gotten closure. You still come and go, wishing for us to be friends. How am I supposed to be friends with somebody whom I’ve given my heart to? How do you expect me to tolerate the pain when I see you with someone else that isn’t me? Seven years of being apart and I still can’t bear to let you go. The pain, the hurt is still there, and I am clueless about how to heal myself. Seven years of being apart and I hope this is the end of an era.

A seeker, learner and a dreamer.

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