I Was Never Supposed To Fall For You

How can I explain how I feel about you when I am still confused? Half of me wants to get lost in your thoughts and half of me wants to cut off everything I ever had with you. I don’t know which one is more painful—the fact that you are in love with someone else or the fact that I am in love with you, and I am helpless.

You should have warned me when you came in. I wasn’t meant to fall for you; I swear I planned not to. The moment you came in, I was poisoned with the love you could not afford to offer. Now here I am, left with all the hurt, anger, and resentment.

How do I tell you that I miss you so much that my heart twists in pain? How do I tell you that I want to hold you tightly and feel you in my arms? How do I tell you that I ache for your presence, even though I’m not sure if I am allowed to? Moreover, how do I tell you that I have fallen in love with you when I am scared to lose what I have with you now?

I tried to avoid what I have always felt for you, but every time you come around, my heart races as if it’s going to pop out any second. Everything feels sweet and warm. When I am with you, I am fearless. I have never felt so safe and protected, but still, I am frightened to declare the love I have for you. I am scared because I don’t want to lose the friendship that I have with you. I don’t want things to get awkward between us. I don’t want to lose you even as a friend because you are so precious and rare.

How do I tell you how much you mean to me? The fact that you are in love with someone else tears me apart. How do I tell you that when you hold me, every other thing seems irrelevant? When you tell me I am precious, my heart flutters, and it hasn’t moved that way in a while.

I wish I could turn things around. I wish I could make you fall in love with me. I guess I must deal with the fact that you can’t force love to someone, no matter how pure it is. For now, all I can do is keep my love for you to myself, deep in the corners of my heart where you will never be able to find out. Or maybe, when the time is right, or if fate allows, I might lead you there slowly and steadily.

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