They say love should be given freely, and I’ve always been that way. Whether with my family, friends, or significant others, I have always been that person who opens up her heart willingly and widely, never once thinking that someone may be undeserving of my love. Not surprisingly, I’ve gone through my share of heartbreak, and while I’ve always bounced back, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t gone through moments when I thought my heart was beyond repair.
I never truly believed that someone could be underserving of my love until I met you. I opened up my heart to you in the most selfless of ways, never wanting anything from you besides your friendship. I grew to trust you, and love you, and it felt right when we moved from platonic to romantic. You made me feel safe in opening up my heart again. You made me feel like you were deserving of my love.
I told you things about me that no one else in this world knows, even to this day. You knew the sincerity of my feelings for you, and how I’d been taken advantage of in the past. I didn’t realize it then, but you took, took, and took from me…all the while I was unsuspecting and ignorant to the fact that you were sucking me dry.
When we eventually broke up it was amicable, and we decided to be friends. I held true to that promise, and continued to love you and care about you while you reaped the benefits of my unwavering friendship. I was sincere, while you were selfish. When you came back to me—not once, but twice!—feigning remorse, asking for another chance…I openly gave it to you. I didn’t hold your past mistakes against you, and I let you back into my heart.
When last week, laying in your arms, you told me yet again that you could no longer do this…that you weren’t “ready”… I finally realized that you would never be able to accept my love. And that it had nothing to do with me. You did not deserve my love. You will never deserve my love.
I’m still a believer that love should be given freely. You should never treat your love as currency that can be calculated with each exchange. But it should only be given freely to those who are able to accept it and treat it with respect and tender care. When you realize someone is undeserving of it, don’t let them keep taking it from you. It is far too precious and far too valuable.