For the longest time, the only sort of men who could get my attention were alpha males. They’re of a certain kind – strong, confident, opionated, and leaders. They come across as cocky if you don’t really know them, and sometimes, even if you do, but they’re good guys to have around. They know what to do, and how to get it done.
I’ve tried dating a few different guys – but if they couldn’t hold their alcohol, they weren’t alpha enough. Next. If they weren’t the centre of attention, they weren’t alpha enough. Next. If they weren’t the smartest, or the strongest, or the bravest, or just the best at whatever they chose to do, they weren’t worth my time. I made a checklist and looked around me and found that I simply couldn’t find someone who met my standards.
Were my standards impossibly high? No, I just wanted someone who was more alpha than I was. And then it struck me that I was approaching it all wrong. I couldn’t find an alpha male because I was the alpha female – I was simply labouring under some misguided version of relationships that the world had thrust upon me, where the man had to be the one in charge.
So I let go of those God-awful societal notions and met and fell in love with an incredibly awkward male, and I’m ridiculously happy.
Awkward males are just as strong, intelligent, and opinionated – but they don’t feel the urge or don’t know how to make that come across. So the process of discovering those amazing things is what makes you fall in love with them. In the beginning, they seem like complete friendzone material. Then you discover that they read. Or that they write. Or that they have an incredible voice that they’re just too shy to use in public. Since it isn’t all out there, you need to really get to know them to find out what they’re incredible at. And once you get to know them, chances are you’ll fall in love with them.
Awkward males actually do try harder. They’re not the sort who’ll get things right on the first try or even the second, but then they never give up. And the wonderful thing is that they’ll laugh at themselves every time they get things wrong. Their egos aren’t fragile because they’ve accepted that they’ll screw up, we all screw up, they’re just more mature about accepting it. When they finally get things right, though, it’s incredible – you’ll get a mixed tape they spent hours working on with an awful 80’s playlist and a handmade cover. If that doesn’t prove to you that they love you, I don’t know what will.
They do little things. Because they’ll probably screw up the big things. And because they know that it’s the little things that count. The little things are what make them awkward, and the little things are what make them awesome.
Awkward males are a dime a dozen in today’s world, with romantic comedies selling us the cute-and-confused ideal. But give them a chance. Find an actually awkward male, especially if you’re a strong, confident, opinionated, and outspoken female. They will soften you, they will humble you, and they will teach you to laugh at yourself. They’ll show you that the best way to look at life is not too seriously, because the world’s a funnier place if you just let your weirdness be a part of you. You become more of who you are, and less of who you want the world to see you as.
And that’s my advice for women out there. Mr. Darcy was actually a bit of an asshole, when you think about it. The moral we’re supposed to take away from Pride and Prejudice is that even though Elizabeth was strong and confident, Mr. Darcy always knew better.
I protest. Women know what’s good for them, and we don’t need alpha males to tell us that. We need awesome males. And from my experience, that’s what an awkward male is.