You know that feeling… things are going well. So well. Too well. You didn’t even ask for this kind of happiness, it just happened TO you. You had no say. You don’t feel like you deserve it.
So, one day, your mind decides that you don’t and that’s the day you try to sabotage the situation.
You get moody. You overthink and dissect everything. You try to push someone away, waiting for them to end things, because it’ll happen eventually, right? So why not now?
Is it a control thing? Potentially. As if having some hand in the cause of your misery makes it less terrible, or more deserved. You want to confirm your negative thoughts.
It’s imbalanced. It’s crazy. It’s exhausting.
It can be a fleeting second. A passing thought, easily brushed away by the rational side of your brain that sees it for what it is. Or it can embed itself in the part of your personality that runs on anxiety and self-doubt. Stealing days, weeks, and even months of your life.
The only way to fight back is to be brutally honest with yourself. Realize where your emotions are stemming from and confront them head on.
Also, while it can be embarrassing to have this part of yourself that you’re not proud of, discussing it with those it might affect can give it less power. It puts more people on your team who can call you out when they see the signs; who can snap you out of a downward spin into Negativity Land – which is a theme park to which you definitely don’t want to buy a year pass.
Finally, try and remember that you aren’t miserable. You’re actually really, really happy. You’ve been glowing. You just THINK you shouldn’t be. So embrace the joy and live your life!
Go and try to be happy. You deserve it. Trust me.