On Rediscovering Yourself After A Breakup

We all go through it, we all understand that there is a time where you just lose yourself. Some people lose themselves in friendships, others in alcohol, parties, and, to put it plainly: Life. I think one of the most tragic ways to lose yourself is to do so with someone you gave your entire world to, and that’s why I’m writing this right now. This letter is to the lost part of me. The part that is slowly being rediscovered. So bear with me as we rekindle some of the wonderful things about yourself, because you need to remember who you were before them.

Do you remember when you were so full of life and you had a sense of humor? No care in the world is what some would call it. No guards, no walls, just pure wholesome happiness. Somehow now when you sit in a room full of laughter, you don’t even crack a smile. Can you recall why? It’s important to know how you lost this part of yourself so you can prevent it from happening again in the future. Do you recall that time when you were sitting in a room with some of your friends and they made a joke that made you laugh so hard you couldn’t help but cry? But you looked over across the room and they gave you a look, and if looks could kill, you wouldn’t be alive… and it wasn’t even that the joke was bad; but part of them just didn’t want to see you happy if they weren’t the one causing that happiness. And that was the beginning of your loss. You suddenly started being fearful of the purest bliss in life. You stopped doing it out loud and kept it on the inside and only you can tell how quickly that became extinct.

You lost your sense of self. Your identity became whoever they wanted you to be. The way you talked, the things you wrote, the way you dressed and expressed yourself, and your passions? Well, they faded too. And for some reason, that was okay with you because you loved them, and you thought that it was okay to compromise yourself for someone else because that’s how you thought love worked. But that’s not love. That’s wanting love. That’s forced love. Love shouldn’t change you. You should fall in love with someone because of who they are and they should fall in love with you for the same reasons.

Now that you have stepped outside of where you were and you look back, you realize you lost more than your laughter. You lost everything. Friendships that were once strong, your sense of wonder, even your opinions on trivial matters were no longer your opinions. They became shaped and molded by what he thought they should be.

But if you don’t listen to me ever again in your life, listen to me now.

You need to find those things again. Dig deep. Take them and everything that you became with them from your mind and remember what it was that made you smile when you would wake up. Was it just the mere thought of being alive? Was it the sight of your family and friends? Was it singing at the top of your lungs, or dancing around your room without a care in the world, even though you really couldn’t dance at all? I can’t tell you. But you can. Just trust yourself. Believe in yourself. I’m sure there’s some hesitation because you have gone so long without making a decision for yourself. But you can do this.

Now the question comes up, and you’re not sure how to answer it: were you ever in love? Possibly. Did you love them? Of course you did. And you always will. You gave them your most intimate moments. They were your everything and the fact that they were your world didn’t help the fact that you thought you were in love. That’s something that most people fight for. If I were any other person I would tell you that it was worth fighting for and you shouldn’t have left. But what you endured during those years, were things that no one should have to go through. It takes a toll on your self-worth.

And what most people aren’t able to understand is that you loved young. You were both young, and it didn’t last. And that’s okay; don’t allow anyone to judge you for that. You did everything that you could do in order to save it. The point of this letter is to let you know that even though you loved young, and that love is now over… and even though you might have walked away with a blurry vision and a damaged identity you should learn that there’s nothing more beautiful than learning, growing, and finding yourself all over again. Especially once you realize that the person you REALLY are is actually pretty great, no matter what they used to tell you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

featured image – Leanne Surfleet

Writing my wrongs, healing my heart, and nourishing my soul.

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