9 Little But Important Ways To Tell They Aren’t The One For You

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Henri Pham / Unsplash

It’s easy for us to feel discouraged from leaving a person we love, but when you just aren’t happy no matter how hard you try; leaving is all you can do.

So many of us want to be in a good, healthy relationship, that’s natural. But an obsession with “The One” can lead to some big relationship mistakes, because you’re missing the signs. Don’t feel bad, so many of us have done it, but no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship, there’s always time to get out of it if you realize it isn’t want you want. Here are nine little but important ways to tell they aren’t the one for you.

1. YOU HAVE TO CENSOR YOURSELF.

Wow, this one is huge. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and you weren’t able to say certain things, wear certain clothes, hang out with certain friends or just be who you are? Have you ever had to hide little pieces of who you were just to please them because it would send them over the edge? If so, this might be a tell-all sign that they are not the one, and it would be wise to get out while you can.

2. YOUR GUT TELLS YOU TO LEAVE.

Have you ever had that gut feeling after being with someone for awhile, that you need to just leave your partner because you’re not happy? If so, you probably should listen. We have a tendency to ignore that still small voice inside of us that is telling us to do certain things, and the biggest thing we ignore is when to stay and when to go. We all want a happy ending, and sometimes we sacrifice ourselves in order to have it. Don’t do that. If you find yourself doing it, it might be time to listen to your instincts and leave.

3. YOU DISAGREE ON THE “DEAL BREAKERS.” 

We all have things we WANT in a relationship. We have dreams for the future and for that house next to the ocean or out in the country. We all have dreams for our wedding, a future with children, dream jobs, and other “gotta have its.” Some of these things are real deal breakers and if you and your significant other don’t agree with them it’s best to cut them off now. It’s okay to have standards. It’s okay to say “I want this in my life and you don’t, so it’s time to say goodbye.” It’s better to leave them now than to find yourself married and living in hell five years down the road.

4. YOU DON’T MISS THEM. 

It’s easy for friends to slip under the radar and for us not to miss them while they’re away for a weekend, but if you find yourself not missing your significant other while they’re gone for days at a time, or even wanting them to leave for the weekend; chances are they aren’t the one. No, it’s not expected that you miss them 24/7, but if you find yourself wanting them to be gone so you can have some “down time” more than you find yourself missing them, it’s time to cut ties.

5. THEY DON’T EMOTIONALLY SUPPORT YOU.

This is non-negotiable.

Someone who is emotionally unavailable and seems unwilling or unable to be present with you during difficult times is unlikely to be the right one for you. If you find yourself catering to their every need, holding them when they cry, being there for them through every tough circumstance; but when you need them for support and they’re nowhere to be found, it might be time you okay the game the same as them and go. You need to maintain a healthy relationship and you can’t do that if you’re the only one willing to put in the emotional work.

6. THEY DON’T TRUST YOU OR TRY TO CONTROL YOU.

Do you find that your partner is constantly asking you why you have to go to certain places? Do they complain about certain friends? Try to check your phone and get mad when you say no? (Truth is, it’s not their right to do so) Maybe you find yourself asking permission to go places instead of just being able to tell them “Hey sweetheart, I’m going to dinner with Shelly!” These are just a few examples of what it feels like to not be trusted and to be controlled. Your life is yours, even in a relationship. You can respect them enough to tell them your intentions and what your plans are, but they should respect you enough not to question it.

7. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER TO YOU.

Don’t get me wrong; he is probably never going to see the importance of 15 decorative pillows or, in my case, understand how you could possibly need 15 blushes. That is normal.

What is not okay is a blatant disregard for things you hold dear. Whether it be your morals or aspirations, he should care to at least know what they are.

8. YOU FIND YOURSELF CONSTANTLY DEFENDING HIM.

“Well, he seems really sorry this time. He swore this was the last time. He didn’t mean to hurt me, etc.”

Does this sound like a constant loop playing in your mind? If so, a red flag is waving high and with vigor.

9. THINGS ARE ONLY GOOD WITH HIM AFTER THEY ARE BAD.

You should never have to argue to feel affection after an apology. You should not only receive flowers if he cheats on you.

You should not only feel loved after you have felt betrayed or belittled. Love isn’t always perfect.

Everyone makes mistakes, even Mr. Right, but this constant roller coaster of a relationship will never lead to anything healthy. TC mark

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