So, here’s the thing…
Stop telling me how to do self-care, like how creating a budget spa in my own bathroom is going to cleanse me of my problems. The reality is, if I lie in this bath of Himalayan rock salt for too long, I am going to turn into a human raisin and then cry because I’ve been looking up at a ceiling that desperately needs replastering for the last hour.
I cannot replaster it. “Why?” I hear you all ask. Well, I spent all my fucking money on active wear and a yoga retreat, alright? Whatever.
I can’t just put up another #PositiveVibes post on my Instagram and expect a personality transplant.
It’s not realistic to think that taking a fuck ton of vitamins every morning and drinking turmeric tea while I listen to Vietnamese chime music is going to be enough to soothe the chaos that is my constant inner turmoil.
Some days I am crippled with unexplainable sadness for no rhyme or reason; some days I could be placed in the unjustified levels of enthusiasm Hall of Fame. Fuck you, fuck this, love you, love this, and unfortunately, you’re not going to have any idea which version of me you’re going to get, but I’m a gemini, so I’m not really sure what you expected. If anything, that’s a part of my charm.
I have spent so much of my life filling my time with distractions in an effort to avoid feeling anything negative. We all do this. It’s classic displacement (quick nod to the first university-taught reference I have ever made—what a fucking waste of time).
“Always look on the bright side of life.” Sick. You tell me life is all about balance and, in the same sentence, you’re steering me away from exploring the deepest and truest parts of myself. “Aw, don’t cry.” Oh, okay, I’ll just start constructing tiny dams in my tear ducts and force that shit right back in there.
Life is an emotional assault course—there will be highs and there will be lows, and they are both equally as important as each other. You will have days, the ones we all want, where you feel you could take over the world single handedly—these days will drive you forward, they will inspire, they will take you to places you have never explored in your mind. You will also have days where getting up seems pointless, going to work seems pointless, it all seems pointless—these days will drive you forward, they will inspire, they will take you to places you have never explored in your mind.
You see what I’m saying? We are a spectrum of noisy, incredible, life-altering emotions.
And I am here to tell you that, honestly, that’s okay. If anything, your ability to feel so deeply displays the complexity of your character. It’s a beautiful thing, to feel—and it is these emotions that make you truly and unapologetically you.
Embrace your sadness with the same levels of enthusiasm that you embrace your euphoria. Learn from your emotions, do your best to understand the journey that brought you to this rawness, and in doing that you will see yourself and love yourself for who you actually are.
Open your door to fear. Greet it like a friend you haven’t seen in years and ask it how it came to be there. Start to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable, knowing that in the end, if it doesn’t challenge you then it almost certainly doesn’t change you.
Remember that self-care is all about being kind to yourself, and that the kindest thing you can do is acknowledge every part of you in equal measure.