Why Learning To Love Being Alone Is The Most Liberating Experience You Will Ever Have
I love me. I get on with me so well. The thing about myself and I is that I agree with everything that I say. I enjoy all the same activities as myself. I like the same films as me, the same food, the same people. Me and I are a match made in heaven and no one will ever come between me and myself.
It hasn’t always been this way. Me and I have had some ups and downs, we have disagreed – we have been the absolute masters of passive aggression, we have played games, we have made each other cry, we have dragged each other to hell and back again and at times we have ignored each other altogether.
You’ve seen Golem in Lord of the Rings, right? Yeah. We are talking those levels of inner turmoil. The kind that makes you want to become a weird gremlin, live in a cave and sleep on a bed of rocks because frankly, that is what you deserve.
“Why, oh why, are YOU so fucking stupid. YOU are ridiculous. I can’t believe YOU would do this to us”
Bit dramatic. Just forgot to take my clothes out of the washing machine.
“YES BUT NOW YOU ONLY HAVE ONE PAIR OF SOCKS AND THEY ARE BRIGHT YELLOW AND YOU ARE GONNA LOOK A RIGHT TWAT IN A PAIR OF BRIGHT YELLOW SOCKS”
Jesus fucking Christ (I am wearing those yellow socks right now and if truth be told I do look like a bit of a tool).
Are you still with me?
What I’m getting at is, it’s not always been easy spending time on my own with only my own thoughts for company. My inner monologue is a roller-coaster, but as Ronan Keating so wisely said, “you’ve just gotta ride it”, ya know?
What I have very recently come to realize, is that in this life your best friend, your soul mate, your partner in crime, well damn – that’s you. You are the main character in your own movie called life and not only are you the main character, you’re the writer, director, producer, and audience.
To acknowledge that, and actually accept and live that truth is hard. We aren’t always the best hype men for ourselves. We aren’t always cheering ourselves on and too frequently we are searching for validation from other people rather than defining our own self-worth. The problem with that is that other people will not always value you as much as you should be valued. So if you’re basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions, you will always come up short. Do you see what I’m saying?
So now, it’s time to reintroduce yourself to you. It’s time to get to know you better and start enjoying time “being alone”.
Work out what you like
You know what I tend to do? I tend to adopt other people’s interests because I think it’ll make them like me more. Could be anything. A complete fad. I have spent literally hundreds of pounds doing activities that I’d pretend to like. I went to drama school for ages. Why? I’m already too fucking dramatic as it is, I don’t need lessons in being extra.
I started learning how to code websites. What was the thinking behind this one? I haven’t touched HTML since Myspace and even then it was all out of vanity because I knew my top 8 would be jealous if my profile was on fleek. What a fucking pointless waste of time.
First step: Cut out the bullshit, work out what you’re actually interested in and do that. You will be so much happier and you will actually like spending time with yourself because you’re doing things you ACTUALLY LIKE.
You wanna listen to Ke$ha on repeat? Go for it. You want to eat potato smiley faces for dinner instead of the mixed bean salad you’re supposed to have? Just do it. Want to do medieval re-enactment? I can put you in touch with just the right person.
Stop listening to other people’s opinions on you
How many panic attacks could I have in a day if I actually cared what every single person in the room with me thought of me? Hundreds. I’d be a complete wreck. I HAVE been a complete wreck. What if Jenny from accounts thinks I’m a useless idiot because I can’t ever get my expenses in on time? What if that man across the street thinks I’m dressed like a tramp (I probably am, I’m busy, I can’t always look 10/10)? What if they think this, what if they think that. Blah, Blah, Blah, WHO CARES.
The harsh truth is everyone is entitled to their opinion on you. It won’t always be good, it also definitely isn’t as bad as you imagine. Don’t waste your time trying to appear better in somebody else’s eyes. Your own opinion of you is the only one that matters, and you should always be your biggest fan.
Give yourself a break
I’m my own worst critic. I could spend my whole life reminding myself of all the things I did wrong or all the things I could have done better (I didn’t take the washing out of the machine AGAIN today, what is actually wrong with me).
Sometimes you’re going to get too drunk, spend all your money, send that message you shouldn’t have sent, laugh when you’re not supposed to, let someone down who you care about. Sometimes.
Sometimes, you’re going to feel like you are doing everything you possibly can to ruin your own life and there’s nothing that can stop you. But you’re not. You’re being a normal human being, doing normal human things that every single one of us is guilty of. So you’re not a bad person, after all, you’re a great person. You are adulting and succeeding and for every mistake, there are 100 incredible things you do without even noticing.
So you see, it’s really easy to start getting on board with yourself. You will find your own mind a much nicer place to be if you start accepting who you are and relying solely on your own opinions of yourself.
You do you. People like people who like themselves.