Why is it okay to stay in a relationship that you know isn’t going to last? There are many good reasons. Perhaps someday on a summer night, you will hear the wind rustling through the trees. A warm breeze will wisp into your bedroom, ruffling the curtains as well as your memory. Perhaps you will be able to hear whispers from those days that are long past. You may be lying in your marital bed, with your children tucked safely in the next room. The love of your life might be sleeping peacefully in your arms. If you give in to this distant call from the past, your mind will be carried away and flooded with recollections of the extraordinary. It will be hard to deny that past relationships have added to the luster of your wisdom and life experiences. Perhaps you will recall those heart stopping moments when you just knew it wasn’t meant to be with those old flames of romance. They were snuffed out long ago. Why did you keep stepping forward and bearing your heart and soul to them? Some may say that sticking around is “settling for less” I dare to argue in the words of poet Robert Browning and say “less is more”
1. It is Ok because you are a progressive thinker: You have a highly developed sense of the infinitive amount of possibilities that lie in this world. The electronic age in which we now live has given us the ability to cultivate meaningful connections with many individuals. We would have never known otherwise that these people existed! With this new reality comes a shocking wave of progressive thinking: romantic relationships are no longer restricted to a lifetime commitment. Why should you limit your emotional capacity with others when the entire world is at your fingertips? This mindset allows you to really admire some one and appreciate the essence of who they are, regardless of the outcome.
2. It is OK because you are living life to the fullest: So this person isn’t hand picked from the Divine to spend your eternity with? So what? The journey to deep fulfillment comes from seizing every sunrise and enjoying the special people around you on the deepest level. The quickest way to feel dissatisfaction in your life is letting pieces of happiness slip through your fingers out of fear that you can’t hold onto them forever. Why should you disregard this relationship as not worth your time? Just because it isn’t permanent? Nothing in this life is. Take the chance. Travel the path hand in hand with that special some one. Learn from each other. Experience the world and marvel together. When the time comes and you hit that inevitable fork in the road: hold them close, wish them well, and part ways wishing them peace and love. The memories of that time together are worth savoring. I promise.
3. It is OK because you are expanding your horizons: The beauty of humanity lies in our individualized uniqueness. Every relationship you experience will have a distinctive effect on who you are. Staying in this relationship will make you travel to unknown destinations, learn remarkable concepts and gain new friendships along the way. These are all wonderful things to undertake at this point in your life. Whether the relationship lasts or not isn’t relevant. Set out on a grand adventure to see life from this special person’s perspective. You will walk away with a fresh outlook on the world and a larger spectrum of reality.
4. It is OK because you know what true happiness is: Buddha once said: “Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think.” This is a revolutionary way of seeing relationships. A relationship, whether it lasts or not will never fulfill your highest level of happiness. True happiness is found within. You know how to clear your mind of all outward distractions and feel that bliss deep within yourself. It is OK to stay in this relationship because it is not your central source of happiness. Knowing the relationship has an expiration date won’t disturb your ability to feel joy, and it shouldn’t.
5. It is OK because you have a highly developed identity: You are an exceptionally independent person. You have taken the time to pursue your own passions and worldviews outside of an emotional connection and away from the distraction of romantic relationships. This is so beneficial to your love life, because who you are and what you believe will never be subject to compromise. You are strong enough to stay in a relationship that isn’t permanent because you are able to sustain your own identity without leaning on some one else to define it for you.
6. It is OK because it teaches you the rare quality of unconditional love: We live in a culture that urges us to perpetually chase something better than what we have already gained. One of the downfalls of this mindset is that we fail to fully appreciate the marvels that stand before us in the present moment. The concept of love has become flawed in the minds of our society. It is no longer about pure admiration. Love is now conditional. It is subconsciously based on what that other person can give us. We have been taught that if some one doesn’t meet your conditions, they are immediately worthless to your well-being. It is useless to stay emotionally connected. This concept is so twisted. You have transcended the defective thinking and have an unbiased opinion of some one’s worth. This is a bond of pure admiration and rises above any imperfect circumstances. You feel intimate with this person; even though you know they won’t be around forever. This is the choice to actively practice unconditional love. That is a rare and beautiful quality.
7. It is OK because you honor every phase of your life: We have all met those people who marry the first person they are serious with. That is wonderful for them. But for a lot of us that simply isn’t how a lifetime commitment transpires. You are more complex and earnestly desire know every part of what makes you tick. It is OK to stay in this relationship because you realize that your love life is a transformative process. This special phase of your development isn’t about finding some one to run to the chapel with. It is a time filled with self-discovery and figuring out what your soul really yearns for out of life, and ultimately through these experiences you will gain the knowledge of what you desire from a permanent partner.
8. It is OK because real love isn’t about possession: Relationships are about deep appreciation, not about setting out on a conquest and making some one your property. Just because this person is not your soulmate doesn’t mean they are worthless and you should automatically kick them to the curb. The Buddhist priest Osho once said: “If you love a flower, don’t pick it up: because if you pick it up, it dies and ceases to be what you love. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation” Soak up all of the positive things that this significant other has to offer. Let them unlock sides of your soul that you didn’t know existed. When the time comes for both of you to move on, you will walk away with a deeper understanding of who you are. You will be flooded with an inner peace that you have loved yourself and this person to your full capacity.
9. It is OK because you are free of emotional dependency: High levels of any type of dependency can be toxic. Relationships are not excluded from this negative impact. Being in a relationship that isn’t going to last teaches you the valuable difference between “needing” and “wanting.” This type of partnership gives you a soaring new level of emotional freedom. You are embracing a partnership without losing yourself in it. Being able to fully enjoy the pleasures of a romantic relationship, while maintaining emotional independence is a sensational feeling. Knowing it won’t last prevents you from becoming so absorbed in your partner that you are solely dependent on them to meet your every need. This keeps your emotional stability very balanced and healthy.
10. It is OK because you will appreciate your soulmate on a deeper level: One day, the moment will arrive. You will reach the end of one phase and begin a new one. Your soulmate will stand before you and the deepest satisfaction will overtake your heart. All of the wisdom gained from those temporary relationships has given you a life filled with wisdom and incredible journeys within yourself and the world. You are taking the ultimate leap of courage with those relationships that won’t last. It will result in achieving your highest level of transformation. All of those learning curves will give you the deepest understanding of what lies in the essence of a soulmate. You will not have to search for this person. Your own happiness and self-worth will draw them to you. Time will stand still when you lock eyes with the one. All of the pieces of your past will fit together perfectly. Then you will come to the realization that every brick on the road of relationships that didn’t last has led you to this ultimate bliss.