Several myths about escorting are consistently circulated by mainstream cultural outlets; I found these stereotypes of johns and misconceptions about the escorting experience to always to be false during my years dabbling in this job in order to pay my undergraduate tuition at a highly-selective university. This is the sex work that is often “glamorized” by the media, but what the mainstream media reveals simply is not true. The five main myths I can debunk follow.
1. Men don’t “just want to talk.”
The glamorized glimpses we get of this economic activity purport the notion that paying customers truly seek a neutral third party ear to vent their marital worries or workplaces woes. One of my customers was a partner at a law firm specialized in securities exchange, I never once heard about any of it. About the wife? She couldn’t provide as much sex as he wanted, and so it became outsourced to me. Johns are worried about their image (not only to their own selves) and maintaining their reputations and socially prominent roles require not revealing details about their work and personal lives. If you have an extra $800 to drop on weekly sexual encounter but blow it on talking, then you’re both wealthy and foolish (as a private shrink would cost less).
2. AV tastes influence what is desired and how you are expected to perform; access to your body isn’t enough.
The power of the pussy does not aid you in this economic relationship; being a woman is not enough. The experience of buying you (as opposed to spending quality time with a lovely bilingual, educated courtesan) requires the escort to do some psychological heavy lifting and Emmy Award acting skills. My favorite client messaged me with the introduction that 9 ½ Weeks and My Dinner with Andre were his favorite movies (Picking up cash while crawling on my knees, sign me up!). Another client told me I reminded him exactly of Marla from Fight Club. Later a friend told me this was not a compliment as I had thought. Often men discussed or sent film scenes they wanted to recreate. You are moldable pawn in the recreation of their individual fantasies (as to be expected). The aesthetics and interactions of porn play less a role, as most clients were aged 45-55 and AV pornography didn’t influence their gender socialization process because it happened before the advent of the internet.
3. Your body and looks do matter, A LOT.
I read an article in a publication where an escort who had successfully infiltrated the market catering to the elite of Washington D.C. She reported it was not of importance that she was a plump size ten and that her physique was more Rubenesque than Cosmo cover girl. The myth is that real women (within reason) as opposed to photoshopped bots requiring eating disorders are what is truly desired. At a curvy size six (34 B), my hips have been called boxy, my lips have been described as “oddly shaped,” and often I was told I would be “perfect” if I just lost ten pounds. Every feature of your body is under scrutiny and criticism will be delivered. You are selling an experience and the experience is access to your bone structure, torso, and thighs.
4. The sex is generally vanilla and feels pretty normal.
When not portraying them as misguided prudes who need an open ear, the media portrays johns as freaks who engage in risky or fetishistic sex to which they can’t subject their wholesome wives. There has to be a legitimate reason to purchase sex, right? Much to my surprise, no one choked me, asked me to pee on them (or vice versa) or brought up latex. Most of my time was spent being standardly penetrated in missionary position (even during my period….no past boyfriend would do that) or the john going down on me. To the few who know about my past life, I often joke that I got paid a lot of money to receive rather fantastic oral sex. Imagine the college loan industry’s chagrin if this infused the media’s reports.
5. Kissing is on the table. DUH.
Last but not least, ladies of the night don’t kiss? I am not sure where this rumor began, probably somehow connected to the rise of prostitute with the “heart of gold” narrative. It all begins with that first surrender to mouth-to-mouth contact. Evvvveeeerrything is downhill from there.