Relationships can be difficult.
Throw some clinical depression and it gets a whole lot harder. I will always try my best to be present, to be a supportive and loving partner but sometimes I just can’t find a way. I’m hard to love sometimes, and that’s okay, I understand why it’s difficult.
If you’re dating someone who is struggling with their own mental health issues, it’s so important to remember it is an illness, just as real and painful as a physical one. Don’t judge them for things they can’t seem to control or try to belittle their suffering because it’s getting in the way of your life. I’m not asking for special treatment, but just always be mindful of the issues they they’re facing as if they were facing a physical issue.
But with that being said, nobody owes me or anybody else a relationship. You are allowed to leave me, whether I’m having a hard time or not. I’m a grown woman, and whilst I sometimes rely on the support of my loved ones, it is not your responsibility to look after me.
If you leave me, I will not blame you if I get upset. I will not threaten to harm myself to make you feel trapped. Anybody who does this, no matter how ill they are, is emotionally manipulating you and it’s not okay. Yes, I might be devastated, but I will thank you for your honesty and treat this like the ending of any normal relationship. I will not blame my mental health for you leaving, or myself, or even you.
If I am selfish, you are allowed to tell me this. It’s hard sometimes when you’re wrapped up in your own little bubble of worry. So many thoughts are constantly spinning around my head that sometimes it’s hard to even remember other people exist. Sometimes all people with these issues can even talk about is how everything is wrong for them, because that is all they can think about it. But you don’t deserve to be with someone who is selfish. If I do not act like I care, I’m sorry.
If I hurt you, or lash out at you, don’t just accept it. Tell me I was wrong, tell me I was unfair to you. Maybe I’m lashing out because of my depression, but that doesn’t mean I have to take my frustrations out on you. Don’t let me.
If I am hurting your own happiness, then please take care of yourself. Do not let your love for me hurt you. Do not let it let your own health suffer, whether that means focusing on yourself for a while or taking yourself away from me entirely. Do not put your life on hold because you are constantly having to consider me. Be happy.
If you do not feel loved anymore, then why are we even together? If you can’t remember the last time you felt like part of a couple, then maybe it’s best we aren’t one anymore. It’s easy to forget the small, but so important things once you’ve been together a while. But still, you shouldn’t be with someone who puts no effort into your relationship and doesn’t value everything you do.
If you simply do not love me anymore, you don’t have to pretend you do. Most of the time, I know I deserve love, but I cannot make you love me. Nor would I want to make you if that was an option. Don’t stay with me after our relationship has died for you, and wait for a time when it’ll be easier and less painful to leave because that time is not going to come.
I am not my illness, I’m a person just like you and you are allowed to treat me like one.