This Is How To Incorrectly Heal A Broken Heart

Girl running fingers through her hair
Shamim Nakhai

When it comes to love, bidding someone farewell isn’t the most fun experience. If only there were a remote control to fast forward right past it when it comes. While romantic ends can be liberating and necessary, in many cases they are devastating and leave a hole in you. As much as we’d like to believe that people are replaceable, the heart breaking truth is that they’re not.

If loss is part of the human experience, then consider it a character builder. The following are some unhealthy ways to purge, for the emotionally stinted. Do these things and they will act as temporary relief, but make no mistake, soon enough your pain will surface it’s ugly head in abstract ways. Yay.

DISCLAIMER: I have done *nearly everything on this list, so please take my “advice” as me reprimanding myself; a person battling a serious peter pan complex.

Replace Former Lover/Partner With Substances

All hail the #1 escape route for heartache. Everyone knows that drugs and booze affect mood. They will blanket your sorrow with a delicious numbness, rapturous elation and even pure joy but this is just channeling your grief in a craven way. Newsflash: it’s not real (as in superficial). Substances change your whole body chemistry. If you are a hot mess who wants to be an even hotter one, then go here. Substances are easy way out. You’ve done it, I’ve done it, but we both know that what’s on the other side is an even bigger mess than what you started out with. In the aftermath of substance abuse lie depression, adverse health effects and even worse. Don’t do it. Keep substances recreational, not for crutching purposes.

Make A Joke Out Of Everything

While humor is internationally celebrated as a very important and healing thing, it has a time and a place. The reality is that not everything is a damn joke. Sometimes people use comedy as a vessel of resisting feelings that are hard to face, or for fear of not being able to cope. It’s important to laugh and make light of things, but sometimes it’s more important to acknowledge and the feel loss of something or someone, and that isn’t funny. If something was significant in your life, then comedy is no excuse to escape it.

Jump Into Bed With Someone Else

Everyone knows it’s called rebounding. During breakups, I’m sure you’ve been counseled to be with someone else. Great advise (not)! All this will do is start another tangled mess with an innocent bystander, thanks to your lack of being emotionally available or ready for new ties. Do yourself and them a favor by not putting either one of you through that. Grant yourself time and space to mourn rather than transferring your unresolved issues elsewhere. I know, easier said than done.

Live Vicariously Through Your Children

Have you ever seen Great Expectations? In the original story by Charles Dickens, Miss Havisham plays with the relationship of her adopted daughter Estella and the young, naïve Pip (whose fault it is NOT that her husband left her standing at the alter many years ago). A shell of a woman, Miss Havisham is a nutcase living in the dusty and decayed web of her own prehistoric heartbreak. She toys with innocent Pip’s heart by manipulating Estella to hurt him repeatedly. People live vicariously through their kids all the time and that doesn’t make it any less sick. Don’t make the kids pay for your mistakes or misfortunes. That’s selfish, no? Let them live.

Continually Obsess Over Your Ex Via Social Media

Guilty? Who isn’t? However, you’re never going to be able to let go of the past if you keep revisiting it. Period. In today’s social media world, it’s so damn convenient and easy to just click – click – click and stay connected. If you’re wise, you’ll block yourself from being able to do this in vulnerable times. All it does is keep your headspace in a dark place that only perpetuates more heartache. Give yourself a chance to evolve and start a new life. I say live like cats; 9 lives.

Fight Your Tears


Just be brave. Ok? You ken doooo eeeeet

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