This one is classic. I am still thinking of how I want to display my anger to you. So, while we wait, I am going to sit here and let you continue to try and win back my affections — yes, this is a test.
“We can watch whatever show you want.”
I really want to see if we want to watch the same show and/or if you will let me watch my show. And when we don’t, I will begin reevaluating everything about our relationship. Good luck.
I’m not kidding. At all. I just had to say that to avoid appearing like a lunatic after my previous comment. Such comments could be any verbal content that is overly dramatic, irrational, illogical, or absurd.
“I’m really not upset anymore. I promise.”
Of course I am upset, you idiot. I just have to seem laid back enough to already be over it. Give me like three weeks. Then, I’ll stop thinking about what you just said.
This is self-explanatory. It is also often paired with an unavoidable smile while I say it to you, but I really do mean it. Kind of. You’re cute when you make me mad–dammit, so close.
“I hate you.”
I am completely in love with you in general and in this moment, and don’t feel like letting you know how much right now, because you’re being rude and don’t deserve such peace of mind.
“No, I don’t want pizza. I’m not hungry anymore.”
I’m actually starving. Like my stomach is in a full-fledged growl. But, I am really hoping you will see through this and buy me that piece of pizza anyway…Oh, you just got one piece? For yourself? Okay.
“Who was that girl?”
All I need is one small fact about her and I can find all of her social media outlets in approximately 7 minutes or less. Seriously. First name, school, hometown, college, current city–test me, I got this and am totally not intimidated.
“I woke up like this.”
Really? No. Just no. The sooner we both accept the fact that I do not wake up looking the way I did during the day, the better things will be. Yes, I know it looks like I don’t have eyes without my makeup. We can work through this.
“I have no idea how long we’ve been dating.”
I actually don’t know how long we have been dating, when we started, how you asked me, and who I immediately texted after. It was some random Friday night after a party and the weather was kind of chilly with some mild wind, we were eating burritos and my heart melted a bit. It was approximately 1 a.m., but like, who keeps track of that shit?