12 Things You Learn From Being A Pathetic Peasant
By Ben Hook
Have you ever thought to yourself, I am a damn PEASANT. If this were the effing middle ages I would be that guy cleaning the Lord’s table after a giant feast! Then at the end of the feast I’d sneak table scraps to my family. As of now, I stand about as low on the caste system ladder as humanly possible. I am working 70 hours a week between two jobs, neither of which are respected or glamorous. My jobs are grounds keeping peasant at a country club, and table-cleaning peasant at a restaurant. This is what I’ve learned thus far.
1. Peasants don’t get the same holidays as the Counts and Countesses. Take off 4th of July? LOL, yeah right. We don’t deserve time off.
2. Despite working longer and harder hours than the people who occupy the castle and all the great riches of the world, I will never even have close to what they have.
3. When the Lords and Ladies show courtesy it’s the only real reward for the peasant. Finally someone acknowledges that you’re actually a human being.
4. The American dream only happens when I’m sleeping.
6. When a Lord or Lady is near you are supposed to remain out of their way and become scenery like a bush or road or the sky. Be invisible, be nothing because that’s what you’re worth.
7. People who have things should get more things before people who have nothing get anything.
8. Being a peasant makes you more aware of other peasants. Peasants like you are everywhere! Car washing peasants, serving peasants, cooking peasants, cleaning peasants!
9. Romantic interests should only be other peasants, because it is forbidden/frowned upon for sons and daughters of nobility to associate with the help.
10. Slapping people in the face should be considered socially acceptable in order to restore respect and level the playing field.
11. Money does not make someone classy.
12. Without peasants the world would cease to function. (The world needs ditch diggers as much as it needs lawyers.)
13. College starts in one month and being a peasant may not be your ultimate fate… At least until next summer or graduation….