25 Things That Don’t Go Away After High School (But Should)
1. Being forced to pick a career goal at too young an age, when you can barely name a corporation you don’t buy jeans or smart phones from.
2. Realizing 99% of relationships end in heartbreak, blame, and a cold twin bed with a comforter overdue for a wash.
3. Working at a lifeless job where your youth becomes the demanding point of conversation.
4. Dealing with elders who feel confident in calling you inexperienced, regard you as little more than a peon, and just can’t wait until this whole “Internet” trend dies out.
5. Your friends are little more than loyal douchebags.
6. You find TV shows and blogs more worthwhile than real life.
7. You lack basic nutritional knowledge other than that gained from doctors named Oz and Phil or magazines by grocery store checkouts.
8. Your parents are either disappointed in you or overly eager to blame others for your own misgivings.
9. A comedian informs your political views.
10. Skipping responsibilities to play a newly-released and overly-hyped video game can be justified in your own head.
11. You’re surrounded by sports fans who care way more than you do about things neither of you fully understand.
12. You’re surrounded by Obama liberals or Ron Paul conservatives who care way more than you do about things neither of you fully understand.
13. You’re broke.
14. You either drive a shit car or bum rides from rich friends.
15. Smoking cigarettes is more a fashion statement than a way to relieve stress.
16. Alcohol is less a social lubricant than a depressing thing you do but don’t fully know why.
17. You feel guilt about reading less than you did in middle school.
18. Nerds will always be more successful than you.
19. You say “I love you” way too early in a relationship.
21. You consider your 10th grade partner the low point of your social life.
22. At least 80% of sex comes with regret.
20. You feel being immature can be conquered by merely wishing to be more mature.
21. TIME Magazine attempts to move paper by generalizing a massive swath of your generation.
22. New York City seems like the most exciting place in the world to lose all the money you don’t have.
23. You wish running away was a legitimate and useful option to your problems.
24. You feel ignoring the fact credit scores exist means they actually don’t.
25. You think you’re underpaid, under-appreciated, and underwhelmed by the realities of reality. You pawn your thoughts and originality out as collateral to employers, significant others, and your family, You own nothing more than your own decisions, and even those you’re trying to lease.