The universe laughs at our own misfortunes. It makes you remember what you want to forget and lets you forget what you need to remember. It may be cliché but hun, that is nothing but the brutal truth. And when you need its mercy the most, it doesn’t give you that.
I wanted to understand this bitterness. This inexplicable injustice we never deserve. It was not a need to be this savage upon us. You cannot just let people beg on their knees as they plead in sorrowful voices to take it all away. You cannot just turn deaf in hopes of ignoring the cries of one who struggled everyday to breathe. You cannot just watch someone wither for trying so hard to bloom when all it wanted to do was be blown away. You cannot just make them wonder and not give them answers. You cannot just leave them be to oblivion.
Hard is an understatement. An unlawful description of how terrible one felt. It is like describing a storm as a raindrop. Minimizing a house to a doorknob.
So why can the universe take away what needs to be remembered only for today? Why give something to suffer for a long time? Why not soothe a broken heart when it begs to be healed? Why crush the heart of an already broken soul?
Why is the universe ruthless enough to let us suffer, letting the mind forget and the heart remember? And why does our heart keep it—the pain, the scars and the weapons— without conscience and holds it even closer, cradling it? And it even serenades the mind and tramples the heart over and over.
It was unfair how too much of a burden is bursting inside of you but the universe only hears a huff out of you. They are naive of how badly you are raging inside but the universe only see you crumpling. And yet it was always more than that— more than painful. More than heartache. More than broken. More than losing. For the universe lacked the words to describe those feelings.
It was blind but we are not. One could not stop seeing when your eyes start to bleed with sorrow. When your ears start to wait for answers. When your mouth starts to plead for compassion. When your body craved to give up. When your heart wanted to rest.
The universe could not understand this cruel situation. It does not feel the scalding pain that makes the heart throb every time we see who we want to forget. For the heart may remember that love but it also does not forget that pain. Our hearts ache so much that it shrieks silently every time. The universe is clueless of how their eyes pierce our souls with daggers. Their presence a bleeding reminder of the scar that ran in and out of our souls. Their name a break in our every bone.
The universe knows but it will never feel how immoral it is to be incapable of shutting your eyes when it starts to bleed. How unbearable it is to see the pain right in front of you and it stares right back.
I may not have the answers. I may not know what you are feeling but I do know how it feels. I have written this not to make you forget but to let you remember that you are not dying alone because of this.
One day, the universe will know and it will finally feel.
This is only what I think of the universe. What does the universe think of me?