You pick up the phone and call, you text and wait for the reply, you take a car or bus or train or flight just to meet. You, you, you. You can’t be the only one doing it.
It’s not right. Not because you second guess yourself sometimes, not because people will gossip, and not because other people might have a similar relationship that seems to be doing okay.
It’s not right because it’s not worth your while. You’re so much better than that. You’re not the kind of person who needs to run after someone. You’re amazing. You’re talented. You’re a good person. You don’t need to do that to yourself.
They probably make you feel better in the moment. When you’re with them, things are great. But what happens when you’re alone with no closure, no assurance, and no effort at all from their side? That’s when you’re alone in bed, at work, with friends, at a party — it doesn’t matter where you are, because you’re still feeling alone.
They probably make you feel better when you’re with them. Whispering sweet nothings, having a great time, being amazing company, showing off their great sense of humor to draw you in. Whatever your weakness, they play right to it. When they’re gone, they leave a void that you desperately trying to fill.
They probably make you feel better with vague conversations about a possible future. If you sit down and think about it, though, you’ll realize they never really said anything that meant anything substantial. They just said what would make you stay right now, while carefully not committing to anything at all.
So why exactly do they make you feel better? That’s the most important thing here. You’re so invested in the relationship that you don’t want to see the signs. It’s not that you can’t, it’s just that you’re in so deep you’d rather not see the writing on the wall — that the person you love with all your heart is just giving you a part, a fraction, of theirs.
Deep down, you know. The fear of accepting that is what keeps you going. And it might make you feel better now. Long term, it’s only going to hurt.
That’s why you need to stop and think.
That’s why you need to take a step back, and try to be objective.
That’s why you need to talk it out with a friend you love and trust.
That’s why you need to open yourself up, make yourself vulnerable, and give your all — to yourself.
You can’t be the only one invested in a relationship with anyone else. You need to be invested in a relationship with yourself. You need to understand the goodness, the love, the ache, and the joy that exists within you.
You need to love yourself. Stop selflessly giving all your love to someone who doesn’t give it back. Take back a place of pride in your own heart. Give it to someone who will do for you what you’re willing to do for them.
Openly, honestly, with every fiber of their being. That kind of reciprocation is dazzling. It feels right. It feels wholesome. It feels real.
It’s rare. It’s hard. It’s not instant gratification. But it’s better. And that’s what you hold out for. To hold out, you need to stop holding on to what’s good enough for now.
Because good enough for now isn’t great.
Good enough for now isn’t worth your time.