A few years ago I met this guy. He is a friend of my brother’s and although I didn’t like him at first (that way), there was always something in him that kept me interested. He gets me like few people do (even close friends), he makes me laugh like few people can and he made me see things about myself that no one else ever could (not even close friends).
He made a move once, he tried to get close in several occasions but I was nowhere to be found. At that time I was infatuated with some other guy, but I knew deep down that if I let him in, I would quickly fall for him with no hesitation. And boy, I fell hard.
A year ago, we started talking although he was overseas. He showed himself available and trying to get in once again after all this time. What he didn’t know was that this time, I was available too and right there to be found and reached.
I was scared of all the things I could potentially feel for this guy, but the Atlantic Ocean was between us, so there was nothing to be afraid of because he was literally on the other side of the world. Little did I know.
I let myself feel and that that scared me the most, happened. I fell for him.
A year went by and we talked sporadically. He could still make me laugh like few people here could, even through a smartphone and a 17 hour flight between us. I thought about him all the time; what was he doing, who was he talking to, what did he have for breakfast, was he sleeping alone, did he enjoy that ice cream or that beer.
We started sending each other pictures, that kind of pictures. It was my first time sending someone something so intimate, so private, and although I didn’t really know him, I had the feeling that I trusted him with all my heart. The intimacy I felt with him, even through a screen, was something that I only heard about but never knew existed.
By now, the only thing I can think about is becoming his one and only, the only thing on his mind. God knows he’s mine.
Although I love having all these feelings for him, and thinking about him and talking about him, I know he’s not right for me. There are millions of things that would make us right for each other, but there are other billions that are not.
At this point, everything I get from him is forced: a “hello”, a laugh, a touch. He doesn’t care for me the way he used to; he has outgrown me but forgot to tell me. I’m left all alone in this scenario that he had once created for us two and he’s the one that’s now nowhere to be found.
And even though I can imagine so vividly everything with him and picture him in every moment of my day, I know he’s not right although I’d love for him to be my only one.