When you open yourself up emotionally to someone, there’s always a chance they’ll take advantage of your vulnerability.
This could happen with a family member, friend, or love interest. Really anyone. We as humans are social beings, wanting to be accepted and loved and wanting to feel like we belong. We need others to help us when we’re down, comfort us in bad times, and encourage us to do our best. We want to know that we’re needed.
Opening yourself up completely to someone else is scary.
It’s letting them see inside of you, into those dark and dusty corners of your heart no one knows about.
It’s telling them things you’ve never told someone else or could never imagine saying out loud.
It’s feeling so comfortable around them that you don’t care if the two of you just sit in silence.
It’s knowing that there is someone in the world that makes you absolutely happy, and it’s weird to believe that a person could be the source of your happiness.
Some people aren’t in touch with their emotions enough to do this, but for those of us who have these deep feelings (a blessing and a curse), it’s like venturing into a new world, knowing in the back of your mind that you could end up getting hurt.
But that’s the chance you take, even if you may not think about at first.
Sometimes you just click with a certain person, and it’s easy to tell them things you normally don’t tell someone you just met. Those people could be the best people you have in your life, and they can also be the ones who hurt you the most.
It all comes down to trust.
By being open with someone else, you’re hoping that they’ll be understanding of everything you say and do. That if they make a promise, they’ll keep it. That they’ll support you in choices you make, whether or not they agree with what you’re doing. That they’ll just be there for you.
Because if you were in their shoes, you know you’d do it for them.
But sometimes life just doesn’t work like that. It may at first, and it’s great knowing you have someone to can tell absolutely anything to, no matter how crazy or insane it sounds. It’s like finding your missing puzzle piece in life.
Then you blink and it’s all gone.
You and the other person just end up going down different paths, something comes between the two of you that creates a breaking point, or words are exchanged that could bruise the relationship.
You’re left blindsided by something you never thought could happen.
You feel betrayed, deceived, cheated.
One thing to remember is that most times, what people do isn’t because of you; it’s because of themselves. Everyone has different moral codes and ideas about how life should be lived. Sometimes we don’t find out these differences until after something happens to sever the connection between you and the other person.
But this is how we see people’s true colors. When people are faced with a crisis or a stressful situation, you’re able to witness what they believe is important in life and what is not. You get to see who they really are, and they may not be the same person you thought they were.
Don’t blame yourself for not seeing the signs earlier. You didn’t know any of this was going to happen.
It’s not healthy to constantly battle yourself about what you did wrong or if you did something different how things would be now. You didn’t know that the other person had a secret agenda. You did everything you could and what you thought was right at the time.
They say time heals everything, and although it really sucks, it’s true. You’re allowed to distance yourself from that person because you’re hurt or frustrated or disappointed. These feelings are valid because they are your feelings and reactions to what happened. Don’t feel stupid for thinking you’re overreacting or that it’s not that big of a deal.
Trust can be broken in an instant, but it takes a long time to be rebuilt. And sometimes that’s just how it is.
You feel like a piece of you is missing, that this person is out free in the world with your secrets and dreams. That’s just one of the horrible consequences of putting your trust in someone else. Telling them what you did isn’t a mistake. You can only learn from this experience in the future.
You also can’t seem to wrap your mind around why the other person did what they did. It just doesn’t make any sense to you, and it’s frustrating. Because you know you wouldn’t do what they did to someone else. But sometimes there are things we will never understand. That’s something we have to accept, as sucky as it is.
In cases like this, you should take care of yourself first. It can feel like one step forward, three steps back, but any progress is progress. Take it one day at a time and try not to think about it.
You may reconnect with the other person after six months, a year, whatever, and things will be okay again. Just keep a few guards up to protect yourself, but don’t completely shut the person out.
Or you may never talk to them again. Your time with them ran its course, and it could be a blessing in disguise.
And if you miss them, it’s okay. They were an important part of your life and meant something to you. It won’t hit you at first, but it will at night when you’re trying to fall asleep or when you hear their favorite song or you think of some inside joke the two of you had.
It’s going to suck, but let your emotions happen and don’t try to stop them. If you try to stop them, then it creates even more of an inner struggle.
It seems like it’s taking forever for you to move on from them because they hurt you, but give it some time and if you look back, you’ll see you’ve come a lot further than you ever thought you could.