My graduation was the greatest pat on the back I’ve ever received, and the time after graduation was possibly the biggest kick in the face. I’m unemployed, and if I don’t go on to pursue some kind of graduate degree, I’ll probably be unemployable for the rest of my life. It’s only been a month, but I’m beginning to accept my fate. And so can you—with a few easy steps.
Become the essence of a 90s Jock Jams song.
Right now you should slide on over to YouTube and search any 69 Boyz song. It’s so freaking hoppin’, I can’t even believe that a musical phenomenon like that could even occur in our lifetime. You can become a musical phenomenon as well… in spirit. So far, being unemployed has drained the complete life out of me emotionally and spiritually. But you know what gives you life? A good ol’ 69. I suggest that you turn up the jams, and think as positively and as sexually driven as one of the Boyz.
Become an unofficial mentor
If anything, your time in college has given you the belief that you can do anything with your life. While you sit around all day, considering all your job “prospects,” it’s time to reign in the fragments of positivity you still have about Education, and pass it on to anyone who enters your life. Like literally anyone. The homeless guy who asked you for cigarettes? He’s a good target. The youths who bother you when you mooch off the libraries free wi-fi? Why yes, even they could use your sweet nuggets of wisdom. If you can’t feel good from getting a paycheck, at least you could feel good from manipulating other people’s lives and remind yourself that you are better than them because you have a BA in English Literature.
Eavesdrop on more successful people.
Since you don’t really have much to do with your life anymore, explore the town and go to places where successful people loaf around. I’m pretty new to this, so I’m guessing that’s like the history museum, fancy breweries, coffee shops that maintain a grayscale color scheme, etc. Hang out in the lobby of a doctor’s office, someone there has to have made good choices. Since you can no longer sit in a three-hour lecture hall, absorb the juicy knowledge of the world around you. Let everyday people be your TA, and your Uber ratings be your GPA.
I always found negative people to be annoying, especially when they drone on about regretting their college experience. You learned so much about critical thinking and what Henry James thinks about vaginas! Don’t let that go to waste, reader. Being unemployed is a gift ready to be opened, so use your time wisely.