To the girl who thinks she’ll never forget what happened, never get over it, never heal, never move on:
I know how heavy it feels. I know the rush of panic that shoots through your body when someone touches you unexpectedly. I know that it can feel like you’re never going to be completely whole again, like the person that laid hands on you stole a piece of your soul and you’re just left to rot.
I know how it feels when coworkers try to set you up with someone and your skin starts to crawl and you want to set yourself on fire. I know the nightmares that wake you in the middle of the night and the tears that follow because all you want is to feel like you did before. I know that you don’t even remember who you were before, who you are now, or who you’ll be tomorrow.
I know the guilt you feel, because being unable to move on with someone new makes you feel like they’ve won. I know that it’s been so long that you’re starting to think you’re never going to come back from this. I know, and I promise you that one day, you will be able to shed the trauma and the bruises and terror that seared themselves into your existence and walk away from it.
One day, you’ll see someone attractive and smile, and your heart will slowly come back to life. One day, you’ll smile brighter with your friends and laugh so hard you cry. One day, your emotions will brighten to vivid shades of the rainbow, instead of the grey tones that they’ve been. One day, you’re going to feel confident in your own skin again, and it’ll feel like you’ve finally come home to your body.
And one day, you’re going to meet someone who gives you best possible butterflies, and hours will pass before your eye contact breaks. Your face will hurt from smiling so much, and you won’t question how they feel. One day, you’re going to meet someone that you feel comfortable with, and when they touch you, you’ll get goosebumps and chills. You won’t be able to get enough of them. You’ll feel thrilled to be close to them, not terrified.
One day, you’ll tell them what you have endured, and they won’t be afraid or look at you like you’re broken or fragile. One day, you will fall in love with someone who couldn’t imagine hurting you. One day, the memory of the monster that hurt you will fade.
And one day, you won’t think about it at all.